


In peace, vigilance

by SassySeer



Series: Loghain Mac Tir [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adventure, Creative License, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, My First Fanfic, Plot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:15:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 42,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23699878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassySeer/pseuds/SassySeer
Summary: The story takes place after the siege of Adamant. I tried to imagine what the hell happened to Loghain after the events that involved Grey Wardens in Dragon Age: Inquisition.Warden Loghain Mac Tir gets a personal request from Inquisitor Trevelyan: he needs him to perform the Joining ritual for his sister, Marcia Trevelyan, a knight-enchanter that accidentally got afflicted with the Blight. Personally I ship my female Inquisitor with Loghain (and also my Warden because they are so shippable), but I felt that, for a story such as this one, an OC would be better.Warning: This was the first fanfic I've ever written, so keep that in mind. In other words: I FIND IT A BIT EMBARRASSING AT TIMES. I post it now because I didn't dare to do so before. Now, with all this shit and the pandemic going on, I simply don't care.
Relationships: Loghain Mac Tir/Female Trevelyan, Loghain Mac Tir/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Loghain Mac Tir [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706800
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Adamant after siege

From the battlements of Adamant Fortress, Loghain observed the bulk of the Inquisition Army, leaving. The battle had been hard and painful. Killing fellow Wardens had been the worst part of it. Not all of them had been on the opposite side of the battlefield though. Most of the Wardens had joined the Inquisition in the fight against the demons and corrupted warden mages. That’s why the Inquisitor had spared them and allowed the Order to continue its work. The Order or what was left of it. The thought of the countless loses made Loghain’s teeth clench. So many wasted lives. He didn’t want to think about the fact that they were left without mages. He didn’t want to think about the atrocities they committed against their comrades, their brothers. Still, thinking about mages was more agreeable than thinking about the Fade. Hawke had given her life so they could escape. “It should have been me” he kept thinking. 

A day passed. The healing and reconstruction efforts had begun. He wrote to Weisshaupt. They needed to know of the events that took place in Orlais. When he was in the middle of his report, a young warden stormed into his office.

“Sorry sir. There is a messenger form the Inquisition”

“And?”

“She asks for you, sir. She wouldn’t talk to any of us”

“Maker’s breath!” he muttered as he put aside the unfinished letter. “Bring her to me then”

The warden left and a few moments later came back, accompanied by a dwarven woman, Loghain remembered her name. He had crossed paths with her during his stay in Skyhold. She looked exhausted. He thanked the warden and dismissed him.

“Scout Harding, what brings you here?” Loghain asked.

“The Inquisitor requests that you part for Griffon-Wing Keep at once”

“May I ask why?” 

He sounded especially rash. Even he realized that. Yes, the Wardens owed much to the Inquisitor, and him most of all. He owed him his life, but that didn’t mean that he had become his lackey, nor the Order a vassal to the Inquisition. 

“It is a matter of life and death. That’s all he said”

“Is he there?”

“Yes, he arrived recently”

“So, it’s something new”

“No point speculating” she said. “If you leave now, you could be there by nightfall. If you’re quick”

“What about you? Where you there? Do you know anything?” he asked.

“Me? No. I was out, you know, scouting… And I’ve got a lot of work to do after this, I you don’t mind me saying so. I was only ordered to deliver this message. So, please, go to Griffon-Wing, see for yourself.” she yawned. “Look, you know the Inquisitor. He’s not the type to make this kind of requests just for nothing. Please, Warden Mac-Tir.”

She made a fair point. The Inquisitor knew that Loghain was needed at Adamant more than anywhere, yet he called for him. It sounded troubling. Still, he didn’t fancy the thought of leaving the Wardens alone. Well, at least the odds of them joining another nightmare-fueled death cult were almost nonexistent. 

Griffon-Wing Keep’s metal sculptures in the style of ancient Tevinter glowed under the moonlight. Loghain arrived as fast as he could. Trevelyan himself was there to greet him. 

“I am relieved you are here” he said. “Please, follow me”

He led Loghain to the basement, and stopped at the door of a small room next to the dungeons. He opened it and invited Loghain inside. The Inquisitor followed and closed the door behind them. Lit by only a candle, Loghain saw a young woman lying on a rudimentary bed. He felt it. He knew before seen it. She had the Blight sickness. Her skin paled, her eyes shadowed. Bandages crossed her chest. She was barely conscious. There was something familiar to her.

“Who is she?”

“She is my sister.” The Inquisitor replied.

The words felt heavy in the air. Loghain remembered the Inquisitor mentioning her when they first met. Of course, he recalled her. The couple of times they had crossed paths at Skyhold, she had been very evasive. Almost rude.  


“You already know what I am about to ask of you, right?”

Yes, yes he knew.

“Are you sure?” Loghain asked, frowning. 

“I am willing to do anything if it means that there’s a chance she will survive this”

“But you have seen firsthand the real threats and consequences Wardens face. Are you sure you want that? The life of a Warden is not a gift, is not a cure. If she survives, it will be ugly and the end will be even worse” 

“I know that. Call me egoistical. I am not ready to let her go. If becoming a Warden can buy her some time, that’s good enough”

“What about her? What about what she wants?”

“Is it better to leave her to die now?”

“I am not completely sure, Inquisitor. Sometimes death could be a mercy indeed”

“That’s preposterous. Of course she wouldn’t want to die!” said the Inquisitor. “Aren’t you curious about how she was infected? I forbid her to participate in the battle for Adamant. I told her that she would be safer here. She loves ancient ruins, so I gave her permission to gather a team of scouts and soldiers to survey a nearby Tevinter ruin. That would make her happy enough not to complain during moths about not going to battle. It worked. I left for Adamant, she left for the ruin. Nobody expected darkspawn. They were completely outnumbered. Still, my sister and her team prevailed. They sealed the entry point and cleared the ruins, without casualties. Unfortunately, Marcia was hit by a Hurlock arrow. You can imagine the rest.”

The Inquisitor handed Loghain a vial. 

“She managed to recover this from one of the chambers. Archdemon blood. We believe it dates from the Fourth Blight. It is yours. Take it. You will make better use of it than the Inquisition.”

Archdemon blood was one of the most precious and rarest ingredients sought by Wardens, indispensable for the ritual of the Joining. The corruption was so pure and concentrated that a single drop diluted in a mixture of blood, herbs and lyrium was enough to create a new Warden. If the recruit survived.  


“The other survivors, were they infected as well?”

The Inquisitor shook his head. 

“How long has she been like this?”

“A couple of days”

Loghain looked at her, again. The corruption had spread fast. 

“It is no secret that you are in desperate need of mages. My sister is a knight-enchanter, a renowned elite force. I am sure you will find her talents particularly useful. She has proven herself in battle more than once, or so I’ve been told. I never gave her a chance myself, always keeping her out of the front lines. All that care and worrying and things end up like this... The Maker has a sense of humor.”

“It is not your fault” said Loghain.

“It certainly doesn’t feel that way” the Inquisitor replied. “If you accept, I will be personally indebted to _you_ , and bear in mind that I will not forget my dues” he added. “I only ask of you that you take care of her. She can be quite difficult, but, please, protect her. With Corypheus still alive, the risk of possession is greater, and I’m afraid that after recent events anti-mage sentiment can be on the rise”

The Inquisitor made sense, he acknowledged. Yes, they needed mages. Yes, the Inquisitor owing  _him_ a favor wasn’t something to be disregarded. Still, he told himself that he wasn’t going to do it for that. Maybe, just maybe, it was the right thing to do and he was simply too disenchanted to acknowledge that. Surely, he couldn’t cure the blight in her, but the Joining would give her at least some years before the corruption consumed her. So he agreed.  



	2. The Joining

The march back to Adamant was slow and punishing. Marcia was too weak to ride, so the Inquisition soldiers had improvised a cart for her. She stayed silent for the most part of the journey, or in a slumber. At some point she asked what was going on. Loghain said that she was going to be cured soon. He was glad he didn’t need to look at her in the face while saying that. Then she asked who he really was. When he told her his name, she left out a cracked laugh and said that then she was the Rebel Queen. Loghain didn’t know what to reply to that, so he kept riding under the unforgiving sun of the Western Approach. 

As expected, some the men at the fortress raised a fuss when they discovered that Marcia was a mage. The memories of the blood magic rituals and sacrifices were still too fresh in their minds. Even with the hold Corypheus had on the Wardens broken, the risk of possession and corruption was still a threat as long as the ancient magister was alive. Alive or whatever he was. Still, they respected Loghain’s decision. No one would dare question his leadership.

“Bring her to the chapel. At once” he ordered.

Loghain rushed to gather all the needed ingredients for the Joining concoction. Once he got everything he required, he went to the chapel as well. He ordered everybody out. Marcia was sitting down on the floor, with her back against the altar. She was in a state of semi-consciousness. Away from prying eyes, he extracted a silver chalice from a locked chest and he mixed darkspawn blood, diluted lyrium, elfroot and a drop of Archdemon blood in it. Tradition demanded that he recited some words, but there, in that moment, Loghain simply couldn’t do it. He knelt beside Marcia and offered her the chalice.

“I’m sorry” he said, as he made her drink. 

She coughed and convulsed. Choking, trembling, and abruptly, she stopped moving. He paled as he realized that she had also stopped breathing. 

“Shit, shit, shit!”

Of course, during the decade he had been serving as Warden, Loghain had seen many recruits die during the Joining. Their bodies and spirit weren’t strong enough and they choked to death on the tainted chalice. He had seen it before as witness, but that was the first time he had actually held the cup and performed the ritual. What if it was his fault? What if he made a mistake while mixing the ingredients? He desperately checked her for pulse. Much to his relief, there was still there; faint, but there. 

Suddenly, she woke up, gasping for air. She looked around her, confused. She touched the bandages covering her injuries. Her gaze went from the bloody chalice beside her to Loghain. There it was. Understanding shook her. Marcia tried to stand up, but she stumbled. He held her and helped her find balance.

“Take it easy” he said.

She made a gesture indicating that she was good enough to stand alone, and Loghain moved away.

“This is real” she finally said.

“I am afraid so”

“I thought I was dreaming, trapped deep in the Fade, prey to a nightmare. I thought you were a spirit…” she stopped, took a deep breath and said “Forgive me. My memory is a blur”

“Do you remember who I am?”

She nodded. 

“I am sure you have many questions, but now it’s not the time for that. You need to rest. Let me show you to your room. I promise that tomorrow we will speak and I will answer anything you wish to ask me about all this”

Marcia didn’t protest. She was exhausted and still sore for her injuries and the sickness. She followed Loghain out of the chapel and through the hallways of the fortress. Some wardens stopped and stared at her passing. There were whispers, but one stern look from Loghain was enough to silence tongues and disperse them. He led her to a small cell, in the eastern tower.

“It is not much, but it’ll have to be sufficient for now. The belongings you had at Griffon-Wing are stored in that trunk. I was entrusted with the key. Here” he said.

“Thank you” she said, taking it.

“My chamber is just at the other side of the hall. Please, don’t speak to any of the other wardens and don’t wander around before speaking to me first”

The knock on the door arrived just before sunrise. It was before expected, but Loghain was already awake and dressed in uniform. Marcia looked considerably healthier. She was wearing clean clothes, which Loghain guessed had been in the trunk. 

He explained her new situation to her; the meaning of the taint, the bond with the darkspawn, the nightmares, the Calling and the years of service ahead. She listened quietly, not raising an eyebrow even once. Loghain couldn’t make if it was because she was shocked or because she simply didn’t care.

“Usually recruits need to pass a little test consisting in killing darkspawn and bringing back a vial filled with their blood. In a manner of speaking, you did the same thing, but instead managed to bring back a vial of something much more valuable” said Loghain, referring to the Archdemon blood.

“And almost managed to get myself killed in the process” she added. “Doesn’t look like a brilliant start for my newfound career”

“I’ve seen worse”

“And that makes me feel so relieved” she said, sarcastically. “My brother put you up to this, didn’t he?”

“The Inquisitor only wanted to save your life. Whatever means necessary”

She reflected on those words. Then, a look of suspicion clouded her eyes.

“Did he speak of me?”

“Well, of course”

“What did he tell you about me, exactly?”

Loghain wanted to ask which particular piece of information she was interested in, although he knew exactly what. He decided to play it safe and dodge the question.

“He spoke of your background as knight-enchanter. Why do you ask?”

She seemed to be satisfied with the answer and did not insist further. 

“I suggest you pay a visit to the armory. I’m afraid we don’t have any blacksmith or armorer for the time being. You’ll have to find whatever uniform that suits you. The wardens are moving to serve with the Inquisition, but you are coming with me to Weisshaupt. There you will have a proper set of armor commissioned. I suggest you take with you whatever belongings you do not wish to lose. Maker knows when we will come back here if we come back here at all. Tomorrow at dawn, we depart. Be ready”


	3. Journey North

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even Loghain has to do a sidequest from time to time.

**3\. Journey North**

Marcia was waiting for him at the gates, distractedly caressing her mount’s mane. It was a beautiful Imperial Warmblood horse, white and imposing. It had accompanied her from Griffon-Wing keep. Loghain preferred his proud and dark Fereldan Forder. He noticed that she wasn’t wearing the typical mage uniform. In fact, she was wearing heavy armor with some robes underneath. It slightly reminded him of the Templars. She was carrying what it looked like a bladeless hilt of a sword.

“No staff?” he asked.

“I didn’t find any to my liking here” she replied, evasive.  


Part of him wanted to send her back to the armory for a staff, but then again, he trusted that she knew what she needed after all.

Adamant was but a little spot behind them. Loghain thought he would be happy if he never set foot there ever again. They marched slowly but steadily. The way to Weisshaupt would be long, and the mounts were fairly burdened. They rode side by side, but they barely spoke. Marcia seemed uninterested in conversation, and Loghain wasn’t the one to make small talk. Still, he would have preferred a bit of banter.

They traveled north, along the border of the remote and mysterious Tirashan Forest. There was something unnerving about it. Loghain followed his map, meticulously, always careful not to get too close or too deep into the woods. He had heard stories about elves inhabiting these wilds. They were said to be different from the Dalish clans, and far more dangerous. Marcia was surprisingly keen on conversing about it. She showed great interest, and where Loghain was alert, she seemed almost excited. When asked about her interest, she simply said that she had combined martial service with an extensive study of ancient elven lore. Or what was left of it. A pastime, she called it.

“So you’ve heard the stories about this forest then”

“Of course. Legend tells that the elves here worship the Forgotten Ones, and their vallaslin are as crimson as the blood of the sacrifices they offer them” she said, with a twinkle in her eyes.

“Forgotten Ones?”

“They are supposed to be the antagonists of the Creators. You know. The gods worshipped by the Dalish. If you ask them, they will tell you that they are evil incarnate.”

“I suppose not even Ancient Elves were strangers to conflict among themselves, then”

“Indeed. Legend tells that that the Dread Wolf, Fen’Harel, the Betrayer, tricked both sides by offering a truce. Instead, he cast away the Forgotten Ones, to the Abyss, and trapped the Creators in the Heavens. Thus, Arlathan was left unprotected and eventually fell to Tevinter. Or that’s what the Dalish tell. Evidently, most of their own history is lost to them. It’s just a story”

“A very convenient one” said Loghain. “It seems to me a way to rationalize their shortcomings, by blaming it all on one traitor.”

“Possibly”, she conceded. 

Silence came upon them. He regretted what he just said. He had made it personal by establishing a clear parallelism to his own story, and she had undoubtedly noticed. 

They kept following the western border of the Tirashan until they reached the Blasted Hills, and went further. The scenery changed to rocky countryside and mountains. The plan was to go stop in the Nevarran city of Perendale, replenish supplies, maybe sleep on a bed for a couple of nights and then, the real hard part of the journey would start. Before reaching Perendale, when crossing a small mining village, a middle aged man came to them.

“Grey Wardens! Thank the Maker!”

The man explained that they had been having strange incidents for a while. He said that first there was a crew of archeologists. They were studying an abandoned mine, not too far from the village, but one day they just left. Or at least, the villagers thought that they had left, for no one saw them again. Soon after that, the problems began. No one saw darkspawn, but some people had disappeared, the nearest water supply had been corrupted and sightings of odd figures in the distance were reported. Loghain showed him a map of the region and the man pointed at the excavation site.

“We’ll look into that immediately” Loghain said.

Once the man was out of earshot, Marcia turned to Loghain and asked, cynically:

“So does this happen a lot? Random people asking for help and here we go, interrupting all that we were supposed to be doing to help them? We don’t even know if it is darkspawn. For all we know, it could be the Venatori”

“The claims are worrisome. That is merit enough for investigation.”

“Just so you know, if the next thing we are asked is to find their damned lost goat, I am going to pass”

“That attitude is going to get you nowhere fast. I suggest you drop it” he said, in an admonitory tone. 

Marcia looked away, and Loghain could swear that he saw a sign of a flush on her cheeks. 

The place the villager had marked was an abandoned mine. The region’s economy relied on their silver mines. As soon as they entered, Loghain knew that they were onto something. He could feel the presence of darkspawn. Not close enough to be an immediate threat for the moment, but still too close for comfort. He turned to Marcia. Judging for her expression, she could feel them as well.

“Be alert. I’ll try to find a torch” he said.

Marcia gracefully moved her hands and invoked a wisp of light to illuminate the way. Loghain was a bit surprised for a moment. For what he had observed during the journey, Marcia only used magic as a last resort. If there was a non-magic way to do something, even if it was more difficult than the alternative, she would do it that way. 

“Why would anyone send a team of archeologists to a mine like this?” she asked. “It seems ordinary enough”

“We will find out soon enough”

As they went deeper, the signs of the corruption became more evident. They reached a bigger chamber. Marcia covered her nose with her scarf, in an attempt to hide from the stench. She made the wisp bigger, and then divided it into several smaller lights which were scattered about to offer a better view. She looked around and said:

“Oh, well, maybe it wasn’t so ordinary after all” 


	4. A forgotten thaig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand we are in the Deep Roads

First, they noticed the bodies. Several men laid brutally butchered, their corpses in the process of decomposing. Some of them were armed. Escorts to the archeologists, most likely. For the looks of it, the team had used explosives to get through the walls of the tunnel. The opening led to a hidden dwarven thaig. 

“Sill after opening the way, they made camp here. That means that either the darkspawn weren’t there and came later; or that, if they were close, they waited for a better moment to attack”

“So they can be that cunning?” she asked.  


“Yes, especially if they are led by an emissary or any other kind of intelligent darkspawn.” He said. “Look, fresh tracks. They’ve been through here recently.”

Marcia looked anxious. 

“Maybe we should just seal the entrance and be on our way” she suggested.

“No. The villager said that people had disappeared. I suspect the darkspawn have taken them as slaves or worse. If there is a possibility to save them, then we must do so. From now on, we have to be extremely cautious. Remember, if we feel them, they feel us”

“Oh great, we are just one big tainted target then”

Loghain rolled his eyes. They continued through the thaig. The style of the dwarven stonework was somewhat different from what he had seen at Orzammar, but still shared the most basic similarities. They were, after all close to the isolated Kal-Sharok, the once greatest jewel of the old Dwarven Empire and now a bitter rival to Orzammar. He remembered the Inquisitor mentioning that Kal-Sharok had reached out to the Inquisition, offering help against Corypheus and how that offer had startled them. 

A horrible cry broke the silence. Marcia looked at him.

“What was that? Something is coming…”

“Shrieks” said Loghain, unsheathing his blade and raising his shield. “They are sneaky bastards, very agile. It’s a small group, scouts probably.” 

Marcia held the bladeless sword hilt that the carried with her with her main hand. She closed her eyes, focusing, and a blade made of solid magic appeared. She unsheathed the steel sword that she had taken in Adamant and held it as offhand weapon. Loghain didn’t have time to marvel at the spirit blade, for the shrieks charged. To his relief, they were first blocked by a barrier summoned by Marcia and then knocked back, which caused the barrier to disappear. Loghain seized the opportunity to strike at one of them. That was one less to worry about.

The two remaining shrieks got back up, and with inhuman speed attacked Marcia. She blocked their attacks by summoning another barrier, this time, a steadier one. Loghain rushed towards one of the assailants, in hopes of keeping at least one of them away from her. He bashed with his shield and engaged the shriek. It looked like the one leading the others, and was considerably bigger. Marcia, now battling just one, called of the barrier and fended him with both swords. The beast proved a harder foe than the ones she was used to battle, but eventually she managed to defeat it, cutting up the creature with the fade blade. Loghain was still keeping the Alpha’s attention from her. She attacked the beast from one of the flanks. Her strike was parried, but that had forced the shriek to turn its back on Loghain. He hit with a precise strike in an unarmored part of its lower back, and then sliced through the skin of its legs. The shriek cried, and fell to the ground. Marcia beheaded it with the spirit blade. She stood there, covered in tainted blood, still with the sword activated, looking at the beasts. She seemed lost in her thoughts.

“Are you all right?” asked Loghain.

She snapped out of it.

“I’m fine; it’s just that I’ve never encountered this kind of darkspawn before”

“There are still more ahead” he said. 

“Pissing great” she mumbled.

They pressed on, deeper into the thaig. Most of it seemed to have been untouched for many years, except for the signs of darkspawn presence. The place would make any scavenger worthy of that name blush in delight. They left the outpost behind, and ventured into the roads; a highway excavated into the very stone, held by countless massive pillars. Further ahead, Loghain saw some crudely constructed barricades. 

“That’s their den.”

“I can sense that” she said. 

“All right. How many would you say are there?”

“I’d say a group. Not too large”

“Yes, I believe so as well” he said. “We can take them”

Marcia summoned her blade, and placed a protective current of energy around them. It was like an adaptive barrier, made of the essence of the veil itself. When the fighting started, it made Loghain feel filled with vitality and stamina. His movements and attacks felt much more fluid, less trying. Somehow, it greatly enhanced their physical capabilities. Before they knew it, they had almost dispatched a set of genlocks. The fight was far from over. Several hurlocks joined the battle, better equipped and armed with swords. The barrier of energy was still around them. Loghain wondered how much it cost Marcia to keep it up. She was beside him, fending off foes with both blades. 

“If you have a trick up your sleeve, now it’s the time to use it” 

Marcia went on a more defensive stance. Loghain could see her casting a spell. A dome of magic surged from her. It was like time itself stopped around her. All enemies that entered the area affected by the spell had their speed greatly reduced. He had never seen anything like it before. Loghain finished off the rest of the darkspawn before they could defend themselves. It almost felt like cheating. Right after the spell was depleted, a roar cut through the air, followed by heavy footsteps. An ogre approached. 

“I suppose you can’t make that thing again, but bigger? Or maybe throw a fireball at it?”

“Not without a staff. It wouldn’t be very wise”

“Maker’s breath, Marcia!” 

He regretted then not having made her carry a staff from Adamant. If they survived that, he would have a chat with her about it. Still at a distance, the ogre picked up a boulder and hauled it at them. They dodged it. Loghain was grateful to feel that the barrier of magical current around them was still there. Marcia dropped the physical sword and wielded the spirit blade with both hands. It was more like a greatsword now. She dashed towards the ogre, and for a moment, he saw her disappear into thin air. Immediately after, she reappeared, landing a mighty blow against one of the beast’s knees, and quickly another. The darkspawn snarled and lost balance. As it was falling, it managed to hit Marcia with one of his claws. She was knocked back and sent flying against a column. She fell to the ground and didn’t move. Loghain felt the strength of the beneficial barrier faltering and finally disappearing completely. She probably had spent all the energy she had left bracing for that impact. Even incapacitated as it was, the ogre was still a formidable foe. Finally, he saw an opening between the constant attacks. With surgical precision, he sank the silverite blade on the fiend’s throat. Then, cut. It was over.

He ran to Marcia. Much to his relief, she wasn’t severely injured. Slightly bruised and exhausted, but she was otherwise fine. 

“The hilt, there…” she pointed.

Loghain picked it up and gave it to her. Then, he helped her get back on her feet again. 

“Thank you”

“I’ll give you that; I’ve never seen a mage get that close and personal in a fight.”

“Explains my choice of armor, right?” she said.

Loghain was about to scold her about her recklessness and her poor choice in not bringing a staff, but he heard a voice from one of the caverns surrounding the road. It was a cry for help.


	5. Revelations

The cavern was filled with bodies, both human and darkspawn. Some of them had been gnawed. There was a sturdy metal cage, and a young woman was trapped inside, terrified. She hadn’t been tainted yet.

“Please, please, get me out of here” she cried.

Loghain inspected the lock. There was no way he could pick it. There had to be a key, somewhere. He told Marcia to stay with her while he looked for the key. 

“Quickly, before she comes back”, she implored.

“Before who comes back?” asked Marcia.

“She was my friend, but now I don’t know who or what she is anymore. They changed her”

“What do you mean?”

“At first she didn’t want to, but they forced her. Then she started to devour” she pointed at the bodies. “The flesh made her change. She’s turning into a monster. They are going to do the same to me”

Marcia tried to comfort her. She asked her name, and introduced herself. The girl said she was Miri. 

“Everything is going to be fine” said Marcia. “We are Grey Wardens. That’s what we do. Don’t worry.” 

Marcia felt that she was doing a terrible job. Luckily, Loghain came back, with the key he had found on the body of one of the hurlocks they had just slain. 

“Thank you. Andraste bless you” she said. 

They began the way back. When they reached the dwarven settlement, Loghain frowned as he sensed a presence. They pressed on, and saw a figure, kneeling down beside the dead shrieks. The young woman – Miri, was her name -, hid behind Marcia. The figure turned towards them, with her mouth still full of flesh. It was difficult to say what it was. It may have been a human woman once, but now it was corrupted and twisted. She had been feeding on the darkspawn corpses. Humming, she stood up and walked towards them. 

“Miri…”

He didn’t let her any closer. With a swift movement, he stabbed her in the abdomen. The creature screeched and spit on his face. He pulled the sword out and she stepped backwards. The injury was lethal. He turned to Marcia. She seemed as horrified and disgusted as Miri. 

They returned to the surface soon after. 

“We still need to find a way to block the entrance” said Loghain. “We don’t know how far these tunnels travel or what lies beneath”

“Would a collapse suffice?” asked Marcia.

Loghain nodded. 

“I can do it, but I am going to faint. There are some vials with lyrium in one of the saddlebags my horse carries”

It took her a while. Drops of sweat poured from her forehead, her teeth clenched. But she did it. With a great tremor, the entrance to the mine collapsed. Thick rocks and rubble blocked it, and Loghain thought it would work just nicely. Just as she had said, Marcia passed out on the ground. Loghain carefully held her, opened her mouth and provided the lyrium. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that she woke up. She said she had a headache.  


“Are you sure you can ride?” asked Loghain. 

“I’m fine”

They rode back to the village. Miri rode with Marcia, behind her, with her arms around her and her head resting on her back. Loghain thought it was sweet. 

A small crowd had formed upon their arrival. Loghain heard people whispering. Miri’s older brother, the blacksmith, ran to them. He broke into tears and thanked them. It turned out Miri was the only family he had left. He invited them to stay the night at their place. He insisted time and again and Loghain eventually accepted. Marcia could use a proper bed that night, and the village was so small that there wasn’t an inn. 

The house was modest but warm and welcoming. First, they were offered some water and soap for washing. After dinner, Miri’s brother showed them to a room. It was the master bedroom. It had individual beds, a bit separated by a thin nightstand. He explained that it was their parent’s. Marcia sat on the side of one bed, turning her back on him and removed the tunic she wore under the armor. Dresses only in a long, cotton shirt, she crept under the blankets. She looked away and said:

“Don’t worry, I won’t take a peek”

“Well, thank you for that” he replied.

He put out the light, took off his clothes and went to bed. They stood in silence for a while. Dim rays of moonlight entered through the window, feebly illuminating the room. 

“Loghain, are you awake?” she said, almost candidly. 

“Yes”

“May I ask you something?”

“Yes, what is it?”, although he knew exactly the conversation they were about to have.

“That woman we found in the Deep Roads. The one you killed. What kind of corruption was that? What was she turning into? Why held women captive? What the fuck was all that?”

Loghain sighed. The answer wasn’t exactly a bedtime story. He looked at her. She had turned towards him, her eyes fixed on his face.

“Darkspawn lack the capability for reproduction. So they take women. I won’t go into detail, Marcia. Just know that they corrupt and turn them into what we call Broodmothers; fiends that can spawn new progeny. The woman we found was still in the early stages of the process, though. She still retained most of her human form and dimensions”

“So that’s what I am going to turn into. When I go to my Calling” she whispered, with terror in her voice. 

“Please, don’t say that”

“Well, no one can deny it for sure”

“Marcia, the Calling is supposed to bring an honorable death by one final battle. I fail to see the likeness”

“But what if I am caught instead”

Loghain wished he could say something to put her mind at ease, but he had never been one for kind words. He stretched out his arm, offering his hand. His own gesture surprised him, almost as much as feeling Marcia’s cold, soft hand, holding his. 


	6. Weisshaupt

The rest of the journey, through Perendale and north, into the Anderfels, to Weisshaupt, was arduous but without any major incident. Marcia would carry herself the same way as before, with that detachment and arrogance of hers. Loghain would be his harsh, cold self. There were moments of tension, and sometimes conflict. The worst one came when he asked her why she wouldn’t carry a staff. That encounter with the ogre would’ve been much less risky if she had used one, he recriminated her. She went on the defensive. She said that if he expected her to do “shiny flashy magic” like one of the rebel mages filth, he was going to be very disappointed. Loghain called her an egoist and told her that she will have to use whatever magic needed to fight the darkspawn, like it or not. Deeply offended, she asked how he dared say something like that, and spoke no more that day.

There was still a long way ahead, and Loghain did his best to ease tension after that argument. Also, there was the fact that he couldn’t shake the memory of their hands holding that night at the blacksmith’s home. Nothing of that sort occurred again, though. She didn’t mention it, and he wasn’t about to bring that topic of conversation, but sometimes his mind slipped to it. They made it to their destination without further quarrel. 

After climbing uncountable steps, they reached Weisshaupt. Loghain observed Marcia discreetly marvel at the fortress, and he couldn’t help but crack a smile. It made Skyhold or any other fort pale in comparison. 

They stayed there for a couple of weeks. Marcia had some new uniform and armor commissioned. The armorers raised some fuss over her choice in equipment. A mage wearing a heavy chestplate! However, she was obstinate and got what she wanted. Apart from arguing with the craftsmen, she spent most of the time in the library. When she wasn’t there, he noticed that she would wander aimlessly around the fortress, lost in her thoughts. She barely spoke to anyone except for Loghain. She would eat her meals with him, both sitting in a corner table of the great dining hall. 

As for Loghain, he met with the First Warden a couple of times. The first time, he briefed him in detail about the events at Adamant, the corruption of the Orlesian Wardens, Corypheus’ influence and the Inquisition’s intervention. He was very vague about the bit about the Fade. During his second meeting, the First Warden informed him that he was going to be sent back to Ferelden, to Vigil’s Keep, under the title of Commander of the Grey. Loghain rejected the promotion with vehemence, almost with passion. He said that there was already one Commander of the Grey in Ferelden, and that title belonged to Warden-Commander Surana. He would gladly serve in Ferelden and help rebuild there, but he would never take her place as long as she lived. The First Warden observed that she might be alive, but was gone for too long now. Ferelden needed a strong chain of command. Loghain argued that there were more titles, and settled for a promotion as Warden-Constable. He accepted the task under the condition that Marcia Trevelyan was assigned under his command. She was, after all, his recruit and he would need a mage if he were to properly rebuild the Order in Ferelden.

That night, during dinner, Loghain told Marcia the news.

“It was about bloody time if you ask me. None of these sods have ever fought in a Blight, least faced an Archdemon, and you were there, in Denerim, ten years ago, battling Urthemiel and living to tell the tale”

He was surprised by her words.

“Thank you. That's very kind of you to say”

“You could look happier about it, don’t you think?” she said.

He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t the one to congratulate. He knew that, somehow, his promotion and transfer to Ferelden were the Inquisitor’s doing. There was little doubt about it. No matter how many years had passed, the rest of the Order still regarded him as an outcast. Now, conveniently, he had a long time coming recognition and was granted one of his deepest longings: going back to his homeland. The rest of the wardens hadn’t just suddenly changed their minds about him. He wasn’t then a more valuable member or regarded any differently than he had been before. It had been the Inquisitor’s long reach, as a form of compensation for saving his sister; and that made him feel vertigo. It only evidenced one thing: he was still no master of his own fate. Ever since Surana had recruited him, he had lost control over his life. He wanted to tell her that he felt used, moved and pushed around like a pawn. Even Surana used him to her own ends. She had been a valued friend and she would always have his loyalty; but he hadn’t forgotten how she persuaded him to participate in that  _ritual_ with that witch Morrigan so whoever killed the Archdemon would survive. Loghain knew it was wrong, but did it all the same. After the Blight he was transferred to Orlais, without being given having any say in the matter. He had endured and fought among unsympathetic comrades for a decade. Then all hell broke loose among the Orlesian wardens and he was forced to be on the run, again. The Inquisitor had chosen to save him in the Fade, not for reasons of justice, but because he knew that having a high-ranking warden as a contact could further the Inquisition’s influence. With his recent move, the Inquisitor was not only repaying his personal debt to Loghain, he was making a clear statement about his power. He wanted to tell her all that, but he simply couldn’t. He also realized that he didn’t want to just order her to go with him. He wanted to grant her a say in her future.

“Would you come with me?”

“Sorry, did I hear right? _You_ want _me_ with you? I’m shocked” she said. “I thought my attitude got on your nerves”

“It does. Anyway, it’s your choice. I’m not going to drag you anywhere”

“What would be the alternative?”

“Probably a post in Orlais”

“You can bet I’ll go with you, then. Before Griffon-Wing I was posted with the relief efforts in the Exalted Plains, in the Dales. Ooooh, a Marghcheg, how vegy pictugesque; what a chagming accent you have. Oug nobility is betteg than yougs” she said, mocking the Orlesian pronunciation. “I’ve had enough Orlesians for a lifetime”

“Tell me about it” he said, rolling his eyes.

They exchanged a complicit smile. Loghain thought that maybe, just maybe, they would learn not to be at each other’s throats all the time.


	7. Surana's legacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marcia's little secret is revealed.

Vigil’s Keep presided over the Arling of Amaranthine. Older than Denerim and Gwaren,; last bastion to be reclaimed in the Fereldan Rebellion; laid siege by darkspawn in the invasion that took place after the Fifth Blight; rebuilt from its remnants, there it stood. Also, it was the last known center of command of Warden-Commander Surana. Secretly, Loghain had wished to find her there. He could use an old friend. Instead, upon arrival, he found a battalion of soldiers in silverite armor. The Silver Order, founded by the soldiers of the keep who had survived the darkspawn onslaught. In theory, they were under the tutelage of the Wardens, but Wardens had been long gone from these lands. Besides, Loghain knew that to most of them he was nothing but a traitor saved by circumstance. The welcoming was extremely cold, but judging for their disposition, they didn’t seem inclined to break their oath or disregard the First Warden’s orders. Loghain wasn’t interested in the love of his troops, but reckoned that he would have to ease the discontent before giving it a chance to turn into conflict. From the steps that led into the interior of the castle, he addressed the knights with a passion that surprised everyone, even himself. He didn't thought he still had it in him.  


He spoke of the Hero of Ferelden, of what she had built there. What she had built, he said, was a promise. It was a promise of vigilance and sacrifice, and of a bond between Ferelden and the Wardens. She had already delivered regarding these promises. She had fought and bled, to protect the people of the country, during the Blight, and during the subsequent invasion. She had putted herself in harm’s way countless times so they wouldn’t have to. He was only a man, he said, and could never be bigger than himself; but the legacy of the Hero of Ferelden was something far more important than any of them. It should endure any quarrel that may divide them. That legacy had to be kept alive, and he only asked that he was allowed to do so.

Some of the soldiers clapped. Others were completely baffled. Loghain knew that he had gained their respect, at least for the time being. He saw Marcia from the corner of his eye, staring at him. In that moment, her eyes seemed to have a brighter light.

It felt strange, having the room that had been formerly occupied by Surana. It had been preserved just as she left it, and some of her stuff was still there. Random books, trinkets and… was that elfroot? He sighed, and laughed, remembering Surana’s obsession with elfroot. “It’s a very useful plant!!” she would say when confronted about it “Although the name is racist. Trust me, I’m an elf. But it could be worse. It could be called knife-leaf”. She was just like that; bad jokes and an unyielding sense of justice and compassion. 

The first order of business was locating the surviving wardens that Surana had recruited years ago. From Hawke he knew that Nathaniel Howe’s sister, Delilah, lived in Kirkwall, so he wrote a letter to her asking for his whereabouts. The elf Velanna, had disappeared after the siege, and nobody ever saw her again. Trying to find her, if she was still alive, would be a waste of time, he thought. Anders… wherever he was, he couldn’t care less. They could do without him. Sigrun had died defending the Keep, leading the charge against the darkspawn. Then there was Oghren. Loghain had never been very fond of him. Apparently he had become quite the family man. He had a son and a wife, and led a fairly ordinary life. He decided it was better to leave the dwarf to his family.

The night proved restless. At some point, he sneaked out of his room and found the way to the battlements. He gazed at the distance, and tried to think of his next movement. Nothing came to mind. 

“Long night?” said a voice behind him.

Loghain almost jumped. 

“Maker’s breath, Marcia! What were you thinking?”

She laughed and moved beside him. She was rolled into a blanket. 

“Have you been here long?” he asked.

“Yes, before you even got here. I wasn’t sure if I should make my presence known, but I couldn’t resist giving you a fright.”

Loghain said nothing and kept his gaze on the horizon. 

“Good speech, by the way”

He grunted appreciatively.

“Although I believe you forgot the most important part. Not exactly a bit that you would have to tell the knights, but one you should always remember”

“Oh?”

“You talked about Warden-commander Surana’s legacy… You are her legacy, and that means more than these walls or a fancy silverite outfit, or a vague promise.”

“What in the Maker’s name are you trying to say?”

“I guess what I am saying is that, despite everything, I am honored to be here, to fight for you” 

He wondered what could have come over her.

“Marcia, are you being soft on me?” he asked.  


“Don’t get ahead of yourself. If you ever mention this, Andraste be my witness, I will turn you into a toad” she said, as she left.

Loghain didn’t quite know what just happened there, but her words left him comforted. There was some truth to them. 

The next morning, the seneschal informed him that the Hero of Ferelden had left a strongbox for him, in the event that he ever returned to Ferelden. Loghain wondered why he hadn’t been informed the day before, but said nothing. He had the men move the chest to his quarters, and then sent them away. There was no lock. Of course, it was magically sealed. Of course, he had no idea how to open it. He sent for Marcia. It turned out that she had gone to Amaranthine to check on the Chanter’s board. That had been the reason she had given, but Loghain knew that she probably felt curious about the city.

While he waited for her, he noticed that he was anxious. He looked in the mirror and saw a tired old warrior. A tired old warrior that could still kick the shit out of an ogre, at least. He wondered how someone like Marcia saw him. She had started to occupy a great deal of his thoughts, although he fought to keep her out. It was wrong. She was his charge; he was his superior. And he didn’t want to think about the age-gap between them. She was only in her late twenties. Thinking about her as anything else than as an ally was outrageous and immoral. A conversation he had had with the Inquisitor, back in Skyhold, some months ago, came back to him.

“ _So you are_ the _Loghain Mac Tir”_

“ _Yes, the traitor teyrn. I’ve heard all the names”_

“ _I was going to say the Hero of River Dane”_

“ _That’s something I haven’t heard of much lately”_

“ _Oh, my sister is going to kill me. The tale of the Hero of River Dane was her favorite bedtime story. I swear I used to know it by heart. When she was a little girl she used to braid her hair like the pictures in the book; then she would make me wear an Orlesian mask and fight me. She had quite the sword arm. Just, if you ever meet her, don’t tell her I said that. If she ever knew she would burst into flames and kill us all. Well, maybe we should put her next to Corypheus and tell her. Maybe that will kill him”_

“ _What about after Ostagar?”_

“ _By that time her magic became manifest. She was sent away to the Circle and everything changed”_

Loghain had never seen any trace of childish admiration in Marcia. In fact, he had barely seen the minimum amount of respect due to him as her superior. Still, the words she spoke the night before resonated in his mind. Regardless of what they’ve meant to her, they were what he needed to hear when he needed to hear them, and for that he was grateful.

“So, what’s so important that I had to be dragged here in the middle of my free time?” she asked, when she arrived.

He showed her the coffer, and explained that Surana had left it for him. She knelt and examined it. She frowned, visibly upset. 

“Do you know how to unlock it?”

“Of course I know. But the seal is a form of blood magic.” she said, disapprovingly. “It’s quite simple, really, but still blood magic. I suspect you are the key. Give me your hand.”

He knelt with her and extended his hand.

“No. Not your smart hand. Your other hand”

She took his left hand and without warning, he made a swift, superficial cut through the palm, and guided it towards the strongbox. There was a gleam, and it was open.

“I should leave you alone for this.” she said, and left.

There was a note on top of a package. 

“ _My friend, I hope that this time you will accept this. If anyone should wield it, it is you”_

Loghain’s heart beat fast and his hands trembled as he uncovered Maric’s blade. It was made of pure dragonbone, and enchanted with runes that still shined blue. He remembered how Maric had found it, in the Deep Roads, during the Rebellion. He remembered many things that took place at that time. Maric’s smile. Rowan’s hair. Maric triumphant. Rowan’s touch. He tried to keep those memories at bay, as he passed his fingers through the sword. Surana had tried to give it to him after recovering it from darkspawn during the Blight, but back then he had rejected it. He always stood by the decision he had made at Ostagar; but that decision had cost the life of Maric and Rowan’s son, and thus he had felt unworthy of the blade. He felt tears growing in his eyes, and, quietly, he allowed himself to cry for the first time in a long time.  



	8. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no such thing as "enough about the Fade", right?

The solitary farmhouse looked rather quaint under the afternoon sun. Marcia had insisted on investigating one of the Chanter’s board notices. It been posted by the closest neighbor, the last person to have seen the farmers. Apparently, the family had acted strangely when he had encountered them just before they went silent. With an evasive attitude, they had said that they had a guest and were really busy. No one ever saw them again. When Marcia asked permission to look into that, at first Loghain denied it. She was stubborn, unrelenting, and just so she would get off his back, he had acceded on the condition that he would accompany her. She said that she didn’t need babysitting, just two men, but on that point Loghain was inflexible. 

On the inside, the farmhouse looked like nothing out of the ordinary. It was deserted, but there was nothing suspicious about it. He had finished checking the attic when he noticed that Marcia had been way too silent for too long. He went back downstairs and looked for her, but she wasn’t there. He saw the door open, and looked for her outside. She was nowhere to be seen. Just when he was going back inside, he noticed the cellar access, well concealed by berry bushes, open wide. She must have gone there. Loghain followed. 

First there was a normal cellar room, but at one of the corners there was a door. He trod carefully through what was some kind of hallway. It was very dark, and humid; a long hallway that went deep into the bowels of the earth. At the end, he could perceive some kind of light. The more he walked, towards it, the odder he felt. He didn’t even realize when he reached it.

Loghain woke up to the unmistakable scent of a cool sea wind. He opened his eyes slowly. He was home, of course, at his state, in Gwaren. He had just wake up from a dream; that was all. He turned around to find Rowan beside him. 

“Good morning” she said. “Did you have a bad dream? You were shaking and mumbling” 

He passed his fingers through her beautiful brown hair and kissed her. 

“Remember that our daughter Anora is coming to visit. She will stay for a couple of weeks. You know her, always finding the slightest opportunity to stay away from King Cailan. It is a pity that she could not marry for love, like his father Maric, Maker rest his soul, did. Like we did”

Loghain embraced her and thought that he was lucky. He left the bed and got dressed. Soon after, a servant knocked on the door and informed that Anora had arrived. She was waiting at the great hall. 

“Father!” 

“My Queen!” he said, and hugged her. “I’ve missed you so much”

“That’s because you never come to visit me at Denerim”

“You know the Court is not for me, dear”

“Not even if you were granted permission to put the fear of Ferelden in the heart of the Orlesian ambassador and his entourage?” 

He laughed and shook his head. When he looked at her, his heart was filled with paternal pride. Although, he wondered why Anora didn’t look like him or Rowan at all. 

“Is there something wrong, darling?” Rowan asked.  


“No, I… I just…”

Loghain started to feel confused. That life was just too perfect. He struggled to grasp fragments of memories of another life. What he found was pain, but pain guided him to the truth. Anora didn’t look like Rowan because Celia was her mother. He had not married out of love, just as Maric and Rowan didn't either. And they were both dead. Whoever was standing in front of him, it wasn’t Rowan. None of that was real. He was a Grey Warden, and he had fallen into a trap. He was in the Fade.

“Get away from me!” 

“Why must you choose a life of suffering?” she asked, as she revealed her true form as a demon. 

“You know nothing about my life”

He remembered Maric’s blade. He was carrying it when he arrived there. He thought of it, with all his willpower, and it materialized in his hand. He launched an attack, but the demon vanished. He had to get out of there. He opened the door of the castle and found himself into a crossroad. He needed to find Marcia. He came and go, wondered around, but found nothing. Then he saw a Chantry building in the distance. What he found there puzzled him. It was a normal Chantry, he guessed. There were some Templars forming a circle around Marcia. She was dressed as one of them, and kneeling, taking her vows. 

“Marcia! You need to get out of there now”

She looked at him, puzzled, and then, she turned to the Templar in charge.

“He is a demon” the Templar said.  


“But, Knight-Commander, he looks so familiar...” she said, hesitant.

The Templar, behind her, put his hands on her shoulders, caressed her, and spoke in her ear.

“Of course he does. He’s a demon. It is only fitting that it wears that face. He is trying to tempt you, don't you see? This is your final test. Prove yourself. Kill him and join us in full knighthood”

Marcia’s expression hardened.

“It shall be done”

“Don’t do this, please” said Loghain.

She charged and landed several blows towards him. She was truly trying to kill him. He parried and dodged as best as he could. 

“Marcia, listen to me. This is the Fade”

“Shut up!”

Another blow. 

“We are trapped in the Fade” he repeated. “You are Grey Warden. I recruited you. Whatever all this Templar stuff is, it is a dream tailored for you by a desire demon”

She persisted. 

“Maker’s breath, you are a mage!” he cried. “I am not going to fight you”

He cast his weapon aside. She froze and stopped her assault. 

“Don’t believe a word he says. Finish the job” the Knight-Commander ordered.

She held the grip of her sword tight and closed her eyes.

“As you say”

Loghain braced for an attack, but instead Marcia cast a strong wave of energy that swept everything around them, negating it and revealing the desire demon impersonating as the Templar. The fiend was vulnerable, and she lashed out against it.

Loghain woke up, for real, in an underground ruin. There was some sort of altar and a strange cube on top of it, and some bodies around it. Marcia was already awake, in front of him, in a defensive stance, holding up a barrier around them. A rogue mage was attacking them with a conjured rain of electric bolts.

“You took your time” she said.

“What now?”

“He will not be able to maintain this level of aggression for long. Prepare yourself. I will nullify his magic. He will be stunned, and that’s when you take care of him”

“Very well”

She did as she said, and Loghain overpowered the apostate. Instead of killing him, he pushed him to the ground.

“What’s the meaning of all this?” he asked.

“What are you doing? Kill him! He’s dangerous” Marcia said, impatient.  


“No. I want to know what he’s done”

The mage cried for mercy.

“They are not dead, I swear. They’re just dreaming, like you were”

“Why keep them like that?”

“They are feeding the relic, with their dreams. That’s how it opens”

“More like draining their life force” she frowned.

“What’s that relic? How did you know it was here?” asked Loghain. 

“I grew up here. It called me when I slept, before my magic awoke. My _family_ happily sent me away. Now I’m home again, but they don’t want to help. They don’t want to see me, they want to turn me to the Templars. So I make them see, I make them care, I show them the right dream... You. The lady. You are a mage as well. Surely you can understand why. Have mercy for someone who’s been running from oppression just as you”

“I am nothing like you” she said, with disgust. “If you don’t kill him, I will”

“He’s clearly deranged. We should hand him over to the Templars”

“There are no Templars left in this Arling and you know it. What do you propose? We carry him with us to the Keep; we throw him into a dungeon and wait for the Templars to arrive from Denerim? That’s preposterous”

“I am not executing him” Loghain stated. “Do it yourself”

She walked towards the mage with her spirit blade glimmering.

“Wait! Aren’t you curious? I can unlock its secrets for you. You are Grey Wardens. You could use the relic. It could help you”

“Enough!” she howled.

Marcia cut his throat with an accurate movement. Loghain had never seen her expression so cold. Then she turned to the altar, placed her hands around the relic and cast another nullification spell. 

“It is done. No more nonsense”

The farmers woke up from the dream after a while. Marcia and Loghain helped them back home. The mother told them that their son had arrived, out of the blue. They sent him to the Circle not because of his powers, but because as a child he had been obsessed about that thing, and almost killed his brother and sister in trying to reach it. She said that she couldn’t thank them for killing him, but she thanked them for their lives. 


	9. An apology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marcia has some explaining to do

On the way back to Vigil’s Keep, Marcia didn’t say a word and Loghain felt it was for the best. Once at the fortress, she went to her chamber. He didn’t see her that evening, not even during dinner. He was still troubled by everything he had seen, so he retired to his quarters early. He couldn’t sleep, so he went out of bed, lighted the fireplace and sit, in silence. After a while, he heard a knock on the door, and he opened it. Marcia. What a surprise, he thought. She was again wearing a blanket around her.

“I saw the light and…uh…”

“Yes, come in”

He led her to one of the pair of wooden armchairs that were assembled in front of the fire. She sat there, and looked at the rug, then at him. He sat in the other chair, and waited.

“I am sorry I was a jerk..."

Well, that was awfully vague, he thought, but he kept it to himself. It was the first time he saw her apologizing, and he didn't want to ruin it.

"And I am sorry tried to kill you in the Fade. And I’m also sorry for what happened after that” she said, slowly. 

“The apology was accepted long before worded, Marcia. But what was that all about?”

“I am sure you don’t want to hear my life story”

“I just want to understand what happened" he said, and sighed. "You came here out of your own volition. Speak your mind. It looks like you want to”

“It does, doesn’t it?” she laughed nervously. “I was born the second daughter to the Trevelyan family in Ostwick. Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be a soldier in the army. Of course, my parents weren’t very happy about that, so instead, when I was old enough - that is, ten years old -, I was sent to the Templar Order. My family always had strong connections to the Chantry, so it was easy for them. At the beginning I didn’t fancy the idea, but soon I found peace and gratification in the study and the dedication. I found devotion. I gave it the best I had. I wasn’t the best, but I was a good student; and I caught the interest of my instructors very soon. For some years, I was happy there. It seemed like everything had turned out for the better. Soon I would take my vows”

She stopped and moved in the seat, in order to change her posture. 

“It began when I was sixteen. First, there were dreams. Then one day, when I was washing myself before my daily chores, the water froze as it touched me. I was scared. I submitted myself to the Knight-Captain without a thought. He was as shocked as I was. With a heavy heart, he told me that I had abandon my training and start a new life at the Circle. I remember crying myself to sleep for days. My world came crashing down”

She made another pause. She kept her gaze on the fire.

“I hated the life in the Circle, and I hated being a mage. The _dramatic_ story of the apprentice that almost was a templar spread fast. Most of the mages didn’t like me at all, and the others just kept their distance. The templars regarded me with pity. The Knight-Captain, a young and gallant man, was kind to me sometimes, when nobody was looking, but distant under any other circumstance. They used to be my comrades, now I was her charge. My faith was shaken. Why would the Maker let that happen? Why me, when I was about to pledge my life to his service? I felt alone and miserable. Then Enchanter Alexandra came back to the Circle”

She smiled briefly as she said her name.

“Alexandra was the only Loyalist mage of the Ostwick Circle. The First Enchanter was an Aquetarian, as most of the senior mages. There were also a handful of Libertarians. But let me go back to her. She was a Knight-Enchanter. She was old, and had come back to the Circle for good, after serving with honor with the army. She was gentle and understanding, and took me under her wing. She showed me that I could lead a life different from most Circle mages, that I could be dispensed to serve with soldiers, or even templars, if I mastered the way of the Knight-Enchanter. I could even hold rank and lead the men in battle, as a commander, if I played my cards right, she said. It was hard. It was very hard, even frustrating at times. I learned different kinds of barriers and shields, the way of the blade; nullification spells that turned out to be very similar as the templar’s own techniques… It took me what felt like an eternity, but I did it. I learned and trained and mastered the discipline. It didn’t feel as happy as when I was training to become a templar, but still felt content enough. The Knight-Captain personally congratulated me. It filled me with joy. I was assigned to the Court soon after”

She smiled again.

“Years passed. I made my way into the military, and even held rank. I became a leader of men, quite the rare honor, for a mage. Enchanter Alexandra passed away peacefully one night. It was a blow. She was my only friend. Still, I wasn’t helpless anymore. I was going to make her proud. The templars didn’t regard me with pity anymore. The Knight-Captain was promoted to Knight-Commander. The mages still didn’t like me much, but I didn’t care. I had made a sort of life for myself and I didn’t need them. Then the Mage Rebellion broke out. You can imagine what happened. As Loyalist, I was branded as a traitor by the rest of the mages. The Knight-Commander and his men protected me, and I fought alongside them, but the mages were just too many, and too many of them had started to use blood magic. We were forced to run for our lives. Some months later, things were getting worse. One night, he escorted me to my family’s state in the countryside, which was fortified and defended by soldiers. He said I would be safe there, and that I was free to do what I wished. I begged and begged him to take me with him, to let me help them, but he refused. He said that he wouldn’t forgive himself if something happened to me. I wanted to tell him that I had loved him for years, but I simply couldn’t. I believe he already knew. He took my hands, and kissed them. He said he will always remember me, and asked me to pray for him, and then left. By leaving me behind, he probably saved my life”

Silence fell upon them. A single tear run down her cheek. Loghain looked helplessly at her, but she didn’t saw him. 

“Then the Inquisition _happened_ and I joined because it was the right thing to do. Where else was I going to go, anyway? Also, I had heard that my brother had allied himself with the Templars that hadn’t been corrupted. It filled my heart with silly hopes. Maybe, just maybe, my Knight-Commander was among them. It turned out he wasn’t. He was either dead or turned into one of those red lyrium abominations. I decided it was better to think that it was the first case. I guess the rest of the story doesn't need telling”

She cleaned the tears from her face. 

“I am so ashamed of what happened that I cannot look you in the eyes, Loghain. I know that whatever happened to me doesn’t justify what I did, and it doesn’t make it less embarrassing that I fell for the demon’s trap”

Loghain knelt beside her, and tried to catch her eye. She was reluctant at first, but she ended up looking at him.

“It’s all right. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You just owe me three Canticles of Trials”

Marcia smiled and, eventually, laughed.

“Very funny”


	10. Reunions

“Remind me why we are going into the woods at this time in the morning?” Marcia asked, holding back a yawn.

“We are going to train” Loghain simply replied.  


“Train what”

“Your melee technique" he stated. "You show promise, but your form needs to improve. You are used to lead others, but as warden you will have to fight in a more… independent manner. We don’t go around in big battalions but small teams, pairs, or even alone. You must adjust your fighting style”

“But why out here?” 

“To save you the embarrassment of being beaten in front of the keep’s soldiers, of course” he smirked.  


“And there I was, hoping that you just wanted me alone” she teased him. 

He felt awkward for a moment. She wasn’t serious, but was she right? Of course, the thought of her alone with him had crossed his mind, but that was beside the point. He had dismissed those thoughts, for they were inappropriate. Loghain was proud he was, above anything else, a rational, logical man. Even if he might feel a secret desire, he wouldn’t allow himself to be carried away by it. He would always systematically repress and control any improper feeling or thought.

They stopped at a quiet meadow. Loghain handed her a sword and a shield, and they began the exercise. Without that magic she always conjured around them when they fought, Marcia’s prowess seemed feebler. Still, it looked like she still retained some of her templar training. At least she knew how to hold a shield. She wasn’t bad, it could even be said that she was just decent. Not enough for a warden, but he knew that in a real fight she would compensate her lacking and strengthen her allies with magic, so he was not concerned about it. Still, she seemed to enjoy it very much.

Once they were finished, they sat on the ground and ate some food. Marcia attacked the goat cheese with eagerness. When she was satisfied, she laid on the grass and looked at the sky. Loghain thought that they had both earned some time to rest, so he leaned his back against a tree trunk and contemplated the scenery. 

“So why do this training thing, really? I mean, what got into you?” she suddenly asked.  


She was looking directly at him, her head resting on her arms.

“Remember the argument we got into on the way to Weisshaupt, about magic?”

“Yes”

“After what you told me, I realized that I was insensitive. I was wrong to pressure you into behaving like someone that’s not you. It’s easy to find yourself becoming the person the world has decided that you are, and it takes guts to fight it, to reaffirm yourself beyond petty expectations. I want you to know that I respect that, immensely”

Her eyes opened wide and a faint blush covered her cheeks.

“Thank you”

In that moment, he could swear that she was a beauty. Loghain cleared his throat. 

“So, should we continue doing this?”

“Provided that you keep feeding me that gorgeous cheese, you will have to keep me from training” she said, with a grin.

They would train several mornings each week. With time, Marcia became more confident in her raw physical skills. However, to Loghain, it was more important to note that she seemed more at peace with herself… and with the rest of the world, which was a welcome change. She confessed to have thought that joining the Order was going to be the final leash for her, but instead had turned out to be the contrary. Loghain was pleased to hear that. Sometimes, she would slightly remind him of Rowan, even though they were very different women. Loghain knew that. He couldn’t look for Rowan in her. She was someone else, although they shared the same iron-will, the same strength of spirit.

Time passed and Loghain received a letter of response from Delilah Howe. She wouldn’t be able to say how Nathaniel had taken the news of Loghain’s return to Ferelden, specifically, as commanding officer at their former family state. He just left the Free Marches in a hurry, and warned Loghain to be ready for his arrival at any given moment. 

“You look especially grim today” Marcia remarked, when she encountered him at the dining hall.

“You don’t say... Come, sit with me”

Marcia moved her plate and utensils and sat in front of him.

“There’s another warden coming” he said.  


“You don’t sound very excited”

“Well, that’s because that warden is Nathaniel Howe”

“Should I know of him?” she said.

“The name Howe doesn’t ring a bell to you? Come on, Marcia. I know that as a child you were quite the… _enthusiast_ about tales about the Fereldan Rebellion”

Marcia almost choked on her drink.

“I knew it! I am going to kill my brother!” she mumbled to herself. “That piece of shit…”

“Let’s focus, please. Nathaniel Howe is Arl Rendon Howe’s son. You know, one of the Howes that joined the rebels against the Orlesians. He was my closest ally after Ostagar; he was also a very dark, cruel man. Most of the things I’ve done I don’t regret, but letting that snake influence my judgment, I will always do. Of course, after the infamous Landsmeet, the Howe name was dragged through the mud and they became pariah. This state and the Arling of Amaranthine, which now belongs to the Wardens by royal decree, were once owned by his family. I fear that Nathaniel would blame me for everything that’s happened and that his arrival will only bring discord”

Marcia was going to say something, but was interrupted by a clamor.

“Andraste’s great flaming arse! It’s true you were here!”

Marcia, horrified by the blasphemy, turned around in her seat to see where it came from. Loghain didn’t need to. He rolled his eyes. The Maker was testing him.

“Loghain!” said Oghren. 

He clapped his back and sat beside him. He took Loghain’s cup and drank from it. When he noticed that it was only water, he gave it back in disgust. 

“You hurt my feelings, Loghain. You come back to rebuild the Grey Wardens but you don’t write, you don’t visit… Was it something I said? I thought we were bosom buddies” the dwarf said, and then laughed, and snorted while at it.  


“Bosom buddies…” Marcia whispered to herself, still staring in shock by the display.  


“And who is this, um?” said Oghren, pointing at her.

“Charming as ever, dwarf” Loghain replied. “Marcia, this is Oghren. He fought in the Fifth Blight and joined the Order in the aftermath. He served in this very Keep under Warden-Commander Surana. Oghren, this is Marcia. She will turn you into a toad if you don’t behave”

“Charming and charmed” the dwarf said, and winked an eye towards her.

“Nice to meet you” she said, as politely as she could.

“Oh, I knew it. Good old Oghren still has it for the ladies. But I am sorry, I have a lovely wife and a kid now… It will never happen, beautiful. Look upon Oghren and despair, for he will never give you what you desire”

Marcia’s expression froze, Oghren laughed loudly and Loghain groaned in disapproval. 

“Shouldn’t you be with your family?”

“Felsi is all right with this. We talked about it. Honestly. The little nugget is not so little anymore, and they are moving to Amaranthine. Well, they will if you could convince someone around the city to give her a job there”

“You must be joking”

“I am here to stay, Former-Teyrn Loghain. Besides, you are short on wardens. Not many recruits lining up these days and, after all the shit that’s happened, I doubt anyone will join willingly in a long time”

“It isn’t like I can throw you out of the battlements to make you leave”

“Ha! See? I knew you were a man of logic. I’ll show myself to my old quarters”

Oghren left. 

“What was that?” she asked.

“Oh, don’t worry about him. He barks but doesn’t bite. He’s not a bad warrior either. You’ll get used to his… personality”


	11. Plans

Oghren wanted to speak to him privately. He looked serious when he asked, so Loghain acceded. 

“So, I guess I should be the one to tell you about the whole mess Surana, the Howe kid, the crazy cat man Anders and I cleaned up some years ago”

“Yes. The reports sent to Weisshaupt were tremendously brief and lacking, and I never had the opportunity to discuss the matter personally with Surana”

“Good thing you invited me to stay then”

Loghain was about to protest and say that he had invited himself, but it seemed pointless.

“If we are to discuss that, Marcia should be present. She’s a full warden. I won’t exclude her”

“Ooooh, you dirty bastard. You greased the old bronto yet?”

“Beg you pardon?” Loghain asked.

“You and the pup, have you…?” 

Oghren made a vulgar gesture, and Loghain was horrified. 

“Are you serious? Of course we have not. Please never ask that again”

“I am sorry to hear that, I wish you luck”

“I am going to fetch her now. Wait here and don’t go over my things”

“Right, because I get so excited about your knickers”

Loghain looked in her room, but she wasn’t there. She wasn’t in the library either. He finally found her in the chapel, kneeling down and praying before the statue of Andraste. He moved silently towards her. He didn’t want to interrupt her prayers. She was reciting the Canticle of Benedictions.

“Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just. Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow. In their blood, the Maker’s will is written”

Loghain was stunned by the beauty of that moment. He wanted to kneel beside her and join her, but then remembered that he hadn’t uttered a prayer in decades. He also thought that she was probably praying for her Knight-Commander, in light of her choice of verses. He let her finish, and then he made his presence known by clearing his throat. He asked her to accompany him, and they went back to his quarters.

“Now, Oghren, if you would, tell us that thing”

“I am assuming you don’t know horseshit about it. So, the story is simple. When investigating the darkspawn attacks after the Blight we discovered that the warring two factions, were, in fact, led by sentient darkspawn”

“What do you mean, sentient”

“I mean like thinking, talking, detached of the calling of the Archdemon, darkspawn. One faction was led by Mother, Broodmother. Pretty for one too. Many tits. Anyways, she had gone crazy from her awakening and attacked the surface. We killed her. The opposing faction was led by the Architect. He didn’t wish to attack or cause trouble. He wanted to free the darkspawn from slavery to the Old Gods, and promised to help achieve peace. He was also researching the calling. Surana let him live”

“She did what?”

“Look, Loghain, it seemed like the right thing to do. We all agreed on that. Then we found out that the Architect was responsible for the Fifth Blight. He had tried to awake Urthemiel in order to free him, but instead it was corrupted and the blight begun”

“None of that was in the reports!”

Loghain was outraged. Not only because Surana hadn’t informed Weisshaupt, but because she had kept that from him. 

“Well, after saving Ferelden’s ass twice, Surana decided she had enough. The threat had been answered and we were all safe. She went to Antiva to his Zevran to live the happily ever-after-for-a-while life. She deserved it, and you know it. If she had put all that shit in the reports, she’d still be chained to this place, alone. I think she has given enough of herself already”

There was some truth to the dwarf’s words. 

“We must find that Architect. He may be the key to curing the taint, and if he isn’t, he’ll have a lot to answer for” 

“Easier said than done. Sneaky fellow, the Architect. Also, very dangerous. He conducted some of his research in an underground base in the Wending Wood. Maybe we should start looking there”

“We’ll need to prepare an expedition, as soon as possible”

“Not so fast, the entrance was collapsed. You’ll need to make it go boom. Fortunately, I know just the guy for the job. I will write to him, don’t you worry. Anyways, I’m going to grab some drinks with some of the soldiers”

“Please, don’t corrupt the ranks”

“They need to unwind. You should try it too” Oghren said, as he left the room.

Loghain turned to Marcia.

“So, what do you think?”

“Me?”

“Yes, _you_ ”

“I believe it’s worth investigating, but I wouldn’t like to cross paths with the Architect”

“It is unlikely that we will” he said. 

He spread a map of the Arling on the table.

“Look, we are here and that’s what we call the Wending Wood. It’s not very far. Thinking that we had that kind of monster almost at our doorstep is unsettling. The tunnel entrance must be around here” he pointed “There’s an old silverite mine in that area”

She shook her head, pensive. Someone knocked on the door. 

“Yes?”

“Ser, there’s someone here that claims to be a grey warden. He wants to see you”

“Send him in”

A dark-haired man walked through the door. He wore medium armor, and carried a bow. He stared coldly at Loghain. 

“Loghain Mac Tir, of all people” he said.

“Nathaniel”


	12. Unexpected guests

Nathaniel Howe stood there, observing them. There was something broody about him. To break the ice, Loghain introduced him to Marcia.

“I am glad you are here, despite the circumstances” Loghain said.  


“The circumstances are rather ironical, but I am not here to give remarks about the evident” he replied. “You had the gall to write to my sister, asking for me. Well, here I am”

“I was given command over the Fereldan wardens. The Order needs to rebuild; you are a senior warden that was recruited by someone I would trust with my life. Your help would be invaluable but if you have any problem with me, I won’t force you to stay against your will”

“Well, one thing about me is that I respect the chain of command. And about you personally, you’ll have to thank Warden-Commander Surana. She was quite the advocate for you even after all you put her through after Ostagar. I haven’t converted to the Cult of Loghain, but I have no quarrel with you”

“I assure you, I don’t require followers” said Loghain, dryly. “But I need the best of the best to go after the Architect”

That picked Nathaniel’s interest. 

“You know about that?” he asked, surprised.

“Oghren got here first, I’m afraid” replied Loghain.

“So, going after the Architect and rebuilding the Wardens. What sort of Order would you wish to build here, I wonder?”

“I have seen the horrors performed by wardens unto fellow wardens in Orlais, Howe. I want an order ruled by reason, not zealotry or fear. I want an Order that can help the people of Ferelden recover from the chaos the Breach has created. I want an Order that won’t allow the use of just any means to stop the Blight. People know that wardens killed the Divine, and now we are regarded with suspicion; even here in Ferelden, where the memory of the Blight is still fresh. I want to change that”

Nathaniel stared at him, pensive.

“In that case, I am staying. I want to be part of that”

The next few days, Loghain kept a close eye on Nathaniel. Much to his relief, he didn’t see any of his father darkness in him. The man was just a bit gloomy, that was all. He noticed that he got on well with Oghren. He also seemed to be curious about Marcia, but Marcia was… herself. Loghain had seen a different person when she opened up to him about her past, but Nathaniel faced a polite ice wall. She humored him a bit, but kept him at bay. He was younger than Loghain and chivalrous, of noble birth, just like her. Loghain wasn’t upset or jealous, because there was nothing to be upset or jealous about; but noticed that he was aching for her. They would still go training regularly, and she would sit with him at the dining hall for every meal. She would taunt him and get on his nerves from time to time, and look up to him for guidance when needed. Everything was the same, except for him. Still, he wouldn’t act on it. He regarded his own feelings as irresponsible and inappropriate. 

One day, when they came back to the Keep from their exercises, they noticed several horses and some soldiers scattered across the courtyard. 

“Oh, shit” mumbled Loghain. “Not now”

They entered the main hall to find more than a dozen of royal guards and, presiding over the chamber, King Alistair and Queen Anora. Nathaniel and Oghren were already there.

“Your Majesties” he said, carefully.

“Father” Anora said.  


“Loghain” Alistair uttered, coldly.

That was the kind of reunion he could do without, he thought. It pained him to see Anora so distant, but at the same time he was proud of the woman she had become. 

“And who are you?” asked Alistair.

“Marcia Trevelyan, former Knight-Enchanter to the Ostwick Court, at your service” she said, and made a small reverence.

“Trevelyan? Are you a relative of the Inquisitor?”

“He’s my brother, your highness” 

“Well met. It is refreshing to see that at least _someone_ here knows how to show due respect to the Crown” Alister stated.  


Oghren snapped.

“Oh, come on, kid. Don’t be so formal. Some of us here still remember when you used to leave your dirty wet socks all over the camp and drooled for the Hero of Ferelden” and he burst into laughter.

Loghain didn’t know if he wanted to punch Oghren or give him a hug. Nathaniel hit him and tried to excuse him.

“That’s fine” said Alistair. “While some of us were fighting the Blight in the most adverse conditions due to civil war and assassination attempts – I’m not looking at you, Loghain, really, no - _others_ were busy getting drunk”

Anora intervened.

“That’s quite enough, husband” she said, firmly. “We are here to officially welcome back the Grey Wardens, not to dwell in past deeds”

“Right. But the Wardens should have notified Denerim of their arrival, which they didn’t”   


“With all due respect, the Wardens do not report to you” Loghain said.  


“Oh, I assure you that I can live with that, but a notification is a simple matter of protocol. Not that I should have expected you to suddenly grow good manners. Still, we are here because we trust that you will do right by Ferelden. As my wife said, we shouldn’t dwell in the past. We look forward to have the Order back in our territory, provided the Order doesn’t overstep its boundaries”

“We will do our best”

Alistair then offered him his hand. Everyone held their breaths. For a brief moment, Loghain could swear that he saw some resemblance to his father, Maric, in him. They shook hands, with a grave and formal gesture. 

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” said Anora, then turned to Marcia. “Walk with me, Ser Trevelyan. I’d so much wish to see the battlements”

Marcia awkwardly offered her arm to her. Anora, amused, raised an eyebrow, but took it and they left the hall together.

Once they were in the ramparts, alone, Anora left out a long sigh. 

“If these two could put aside their differences, they would accomplish so much for our country. I suppose you heard the stories”

“I heard _some_ stories. Your father is an honorable man, Queen Anora”

“A rather unpopular point of view, but I am glad to hear it. I know that now, of course. Back during the Blight, I was unsure. I was young and got caught in a deadly game of politics between Arl Eamon and my father. All the things my father did to protect me, I interpreted wrong as means for him to grab power. Nothing further than the truth, but it’s easy to say looking backwards. I betrayed him to Eamon, who was no better than Rendon Howe, my father’s second in command; the only difference between them was the means they employed. Eamon wanted to put Alistair on the throne, a puppet king serving his own interests. Howe’s influence, preying upon my father’s deepest fears, was turning his Regency into tyranny. I don’t know how, but warden Surana seemed to be the only one to act according to the truth. She refused to execute my father and instead gave him a second chance as a grey warden. When Alistair threatened to take the throne for himself, she managed to cool his head and arranged for our marriage. It was a brilliant political move. Married again to Theirin blood, my position was secured and legitimized; and with him on the throne, the ones who once opposed my father were satisfied and thus the civil war ended. She could have just given the throne to his friend, and exert an easy vengeance on Loghain, but she didn’t. She delivered a rational and impartial solution, the best Ferelden could have hoped for. Now I know that my father was never a traitor, only a commander who refused to doom his troops by throwing them into a fight they couldn’t possibly win. All he did was out of love for his country, in his own way” she interrupted herself. “Oh, forgive my ramblings. You surely understand that I cannot speak freely of such matters at the Royal Court”

“I am humbled that you confide in me, your majesty”

“So very polite” Anora said, smiling. “I am glad to see again a woman among the Wardens. Someone needs to keep these rowdy men in line”

“Not an easy task”

“Would you convey my affection to my father? I am afraid I don’t know how to approach him anymore”

“You could write letters from time to time” Marcia ventured. “I am sure that it would make him very happy”

“Letters” said Anora, as she pondered the thought. “He never wrote any himself”

“He’s not in a position to do so. You are the Queen, it’s your move to make” she insisted. “Sure it wouldn’t hurt anyone”

“Start a correspondence… I will think about it. Thank you”


	13. Stories

The next day, at lunch time, Loghain found Marcia and Nathaniel sitting with Oghren. Marcia was casually stuffing goat cheese down her throat. Curious about what was going on, he joined them.

“So, the all high and mighty sanctimonious choir-girl is now lowering herself to idle gossip about young King Alistair huh?” the dwarf was saying.

“I just wanted to know if what you told him was true” she defended herself.

“You just want the embarrassing bits, and I am more than happy to indulge, for a pretty lady”

Loghain immediately regretted joining them, but stayed nonetheless. 

“So, were the Hero of Ferelden and Alistair close?”

“Oh yes. Not as close as Alistair wanted, if you catch my meaning. They were best friends. Surana loved him and cared for him like a brother. There was nothing she wouldn’t do to make him happy, but he pined for her in a different manner. It was a bit painful to watch him act like a complete fool, actually. I told him time and again that she wasn’t the one for him, but he wouldn’t listen. Nobody seems to listen to my counsel” he interrupted himself to burp. “Sorry”

“I wonder why is that” Loghain said, sardonically.

“Yes, me too; it doesn’t make sense” Oghren replied. “Anyway, Surana had taken a shine to Zevran, an elf assassin that _Teyrn_ Loghain here had hired to eliminate her. Instead of killing him, she gave him a job and he joined our little party. That elf was a walking hormone, I tell you. Soon, they couldn’t keep their hands from each other. The nights at the camp were legendary. Sometimes they would keep us all awake. They were so cute together”

“And that’s enough about Surana’s private life, Oghren” Loghain scolded.  


“Agreed” Nathaniel nodded.  


“Right, right, back to Alistair. He grew more and more jealous, but continued to support her, until the Landsmeet. His reaction at her mercy for Loghain is well known. I wonder just how much of that rage was motivated by his unrequited feelings towards her. If you ask me, he went too far that day. He was unfair, cruel and ungrateful, even though she had made him King. Don’t misinterpret me, he was a good lad, but he had a dangerous black-and-white mentality. Their relationship was forever ruined. She took it bad. She wouldn’t say a word about it, but she was clearly hurt. On top of that, Wynne, our healer, may she rest in peace, chastised her about it over and over. Wynne was a good woman, but Alistair had always been her favorite out of all of us. She blamed Surana for his reaction. It took her great effort to get things back to normal”

“Excuse me, Oghren. You say that Wynne is dead?” Loghain interrupted.   


“Yes, she passed away at Andoral’s Reach, after joining the Rebel Mages. Apparently, she was reunited with her son, Rhys, and left this world in peace. You didn’t know?”

“I did not. I am sorry to hear that”

He meant it. He had his differences with Wynne, but in the end they had found mutual respect and fought Urthemiel at the Battle for Denerim, together, side by side with Surana and Zevran. Oghren raised his cup.

“To Wynne!”

They all drank to her, silently. 

“So, the thing about the dirty socks, was it true?” Marcia asked after a while.

“Oh, yes, dirty and wet, stinky socks” said Oghren. “He was a total mess. He was also incapable of keeping his clothes whole, and he always convinced poor Wynne to stitch them for him. He was also a terrible joke teller, and a magnet for giant spiders. They couldn’t keep off him. It was hilarious to see him overwhelmed by one of those. Sometimes I would tell him that they touched him more places than Surana ever will and he would go crazy. Oh, I should tell you when he lost his breeches to Zevran over a game of wicked grace, that’s a capital story…”

“So that’s the Zevran you mentioned the other day, the one Surana run away to Antiva with after defeating Mother” she said.

“Exactly. It is good to see you keep up. There are a lot of stories running around, of how they took over the Crows and things like that. I just want to think that they’re happy together. By the Stone, if someone deserves it, that’s her”

A soldier approached them, with a scroll on his hands.

“Letter for you, Warden-Constable”

“Thank you”

It had the Weisshaupt seal. Loghain excused himself from the table and left for his quarters. 

After a while, Marcia knocked on his door and entered.

“Is everything all right?” she asked, looking at the opened letter on Loghain’s desk.

He was sitting beside the fire, and in a taciturn manner. 

“Inquisition forces destroyed Adamant Fortress. I suppose it’s for the best. After the battle it wasn’t much more than a crumbling ruin filled with sinister memories. Still, it’s sad to lose such a historic stronghold. It had been a symbol of vigilance since the times of Second Blight”

“What happened to the wardens there?”

“They were conscripted into the Inquisition. They now fight against the Breach along with your brother’s forces”

“It could be worse” she said, optimistically.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of it” he replied, harshly. “Excuse my poor humor. It’s been a tough couple of days”

She sat beside him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, with a shy voice.

“Not really. There’s nothing to talk about. Stay if you wish, though. I could use some company”

She did. They looked at the fire, in silence. 

“I don’t know what person you see in me, Marcia, but let me tell you this now: I am not the fabled Hero of River Dane. That man, if it ever existed, is long gone. It was just a story they used to tell children, and now it’s a sad reminder of my fate” 

“I am no child, Loghain. And I’m also not stupid. I figured my brother would have told you all about you being my role-model when I was a little girl. He’s just so charming and helpful sometimes..." she made a pause "But, Maker’s breath, that was a long time ago. I am not a little girl; but let me tell you one thing. All little children need stories like that, so they can hope to be something, to do something with their lives” she seemed to think her next words carefully “I wouldn’t want the Hero of the River Dane, though. I wouldn’t know how to approach him, how to stand in such graced presence. For all that’s worth, I am glad I met _you_ instead”

Loghain said nothing, his gaze fixed on the flames. He just wasn’t able to summon any words.

“I am sorry if I made you upset” she said, awkwardly, misinterpreting his quietness. “I will go now”

And she left him alone.


	14. Things that go boom

Loghain overslept. The night before, he had spent hours punishing himself for what had happened with Marcia. He went over the conversation, once, twice, too many times. What was he? Fifteen? Maker’s breath, he was ridiculous, he thought. The worst part was realizing that he had probably hurt her. When he finally made it out of his chambers, he searched for her everywhere in the Keep, with no results.

“Loghain! There you are!” cried Oghren. 

Two dwarves accompanied him. One of them gave Loghain the impression of being a bit... odd.

“I told you I knew just the guy to clear out the rubble at the silverite mine, didn’t I? Well, guess who just arrived!”

Nathaniel was passing through, but when he saw the dwarves stopped and came closer.

“Oh, no, not him” he said.

“Don’t chicken out, Nathaniel. You used to be fun. Wait, no, not really; you were never fun” said Oghren. “So, let me introduce you to the Glavonak brothers. Dworkin here is the best of the best if you want to blow up things”

Dworkin gave him a proud smile.

“And he’s killed at least four apprentices and one smith in the process” Nathaniel added, frowning.  


“And that’s why his brother Voldrik is with him, to keep him in line. Don’t worry, it’s all safe. Surana allowed him to work here”

_“_ _Surana_ is not a magic word to make me do things, Oghren” Loghain uttered.  


“Of course it isn’t, Loghain, of course it isn’t. Soooo, I will show them to their post” he said as he got away. When he was already at a distance, he shouted “We are going to need lyrium dust, pure stuff!”

“He’s indomitable, I’ll give him that” Loghain murmured. “Nathaniel, would you arrange for a party of our soldiers to accompany this craftsman to the site? He will probably need to take some measures, or at the very least know what he’s going to make explode”

“Of course” 

“You are not happy at all that he's here, are you?”

“He’s crazy. I’ll keep an eye close”

“Thank you” 

Nathaniel was about to leave.

“Just one more thing” Loghain said. “Have you seen Marcia today?”

“I have. Why?”

“Do you know where she is?”

“She left early in the morning”

“Did she say where she was going?”

“No, I saw her but didn’t talk to her. She prepared her horse and left”

Loghain’s heart jumped at the thought of Marcia leaving. Still, he kept a straight face in front of Nathaniel and waited until he was long gone to hop on his steed and leave after her. 

It was a foggy, grey day. The humidity, far above the usual high levels, would stick to the skin, like a veil. Loghain wondered where could she be. He searched for her through the taint, and followed that lead, towards the meadow where they did their training exercises. Before reaching it, he dismounted and continued by foot. She was there. She had taken off most of her uniform, and was wearing some simple leather trousers and a cotton shirt. She was cutting firewood with an axe, rather violently, and looked completely immersed in her labor. He walked towards her, cautiously, and kept at a safe distance. 

“I am sure the lumber had it coming”

She turned to him, in surprise, still holding the axe firmly.

“What are you doing here _now_?” she asked. 

“I thought you left for good” he said. 

She seemed surprised.

“And why would I do such a thing?"  


Why would she, he asked himself as well. Now that he came to think about it, it might had been a silly thought.

“Because of what happened yesterday” he said, cautiously.  


“ _Nothing_ happened yesterday” she replied. 

He begged the Maker that she wouldn’t turn the argument into a matter of semantics.

“Right. Exactly! So… everything is fine”

“So you thought I’d just left over _nothing_? That I would make a big fuss over _nothing_?” she insisted.  


Marcia threw the axe away and came closer to him. She was still as intimidating as she had been with the weapon in hand. 

“It was you” she cried, knocking on the armor that covered his chest with every syllable “who made a great fuss over it”

“What are you talking about?”

“What day is today, uh? That’s right. Training exercise day. I waited and waited and you didn’t show up. I should’ve figured that much. I just wanted this day to be a normal day. If nothing happened, then we could behave like adults. Life goes on and all that shit. But here I was, alone. And I got the message, loud and clear. But don’t worry; I’m not leaving Vigil’s Keep. I take my job seriously. Of course, if you want me gone, I’ll leave immediately”

Now he understood. Shit. She had interpreted his absence as a will to distance himself from her. She thought that he was severing ties, avoiding her.

“I don’t want you to go. I simply...” he started “I overslept. I am sorry”

Wait, was he apologizing? She was the one throwing a tantrum.

“ _You_ overslept. That’s a good one” she said. "I should tell the next joke, just let me think about it..."  


She started picking up the firewood and placing it closer to the trees, in a pile. Loghain helped her.

“It is the truth. I was restless all night. When I woke up it was late, and I searched for you everywhere. I didn’t even realized today was training day because I was too worried for you”

“You… were restless?” she asked, her expression softened, but she still regarded him with disbelief.

“Of course I was” he said.

They kept moving the kindling. She sighed.  


“I cannot read your mind, Loghain. Sometimes I cannot read you at all”

“But you’ve at least tried! We’ve seen each other, haven’t we? Or at least caught a glimpse of what each other truly is” he insisted. “We respect each other”

“I thought so. I thought it meant something” 

“I laid awake in bed, thinking about damned words all night, Marcia”

She dropped the last piece of firewood, and crossed her arms. She stood there, frowning, under the dome of an ancient oak tree.

“Which words?”

“Improper. Wrong. But those are words that don’t hold power. They never do”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“Words are nothing” she said, defiant. "Actions speak louder"  


That was it. All self-control was suddenly gone. With a rushed movement, Loghain pushed her up against the harsh bark of the tree. On impact, she opened her mouth to let out a faint moan of pain, but he hushed her with an urgent kiss. At first, she was surprised and froze in shock, but did not move away. He kissed her once more, and she welcomed him. She embraced him, caressing his hair, and he felt her drawing closer to him. She took his hand and softly kissed his fingers, and then she guided him down. The spontaneity of that unspoken request amused him, but he stopped her with a kind gesture.

“I’m sorry” she said, flushed. 

“Don’t be” he whispered in her ear “Just don’t get so excited so fast”

She shivered as he pressed his lips against the skin of her neck. He lingered there, feeling her trembling every time he touched her. He kissed her lips one last time, and pulled away from her. She didn’t move, her eyes silently begging for more.

“Let’s get back to the keep” he said, gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, it's not my fault that I read and watched Jane Eyre too many times and all I can think about for a first kiss is that it must happen under a big tree. A big oak tree.


	15. Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha, this was my first attempt at whatever this was.

The following days went by as usual. Loghain tended to his responsibilities and Marcia kept her daily routine: training, saying her prayers, burying her nose in tomes and scrolls. She would steal a kiss from him here and there, and they would exchange stealthy glances whenever possible. The secrecy made it more thrilling. While she was a firebrand, Loghain wanted to take it slow. He rarely had the opportunity to do so before, so he didn’t want to waste that chance by consuming everything in a rush of lust. Not that there weren’t moments when he was tempted to do exactly so. Marcia always pushed for more, and he would always deny it to her. Somehow, that little game in which he held all the power pleased him greatly. 

Nathaniel had insisted on accompanying the Oghren and Glavonak brothers and he left for the Wending Wood with a band of soldiers, so the Keep was emptier than usual. A runner brought a message for him. The innkeeper at Amaranthine had acceded to hire Felsi and provide for accommodation for her and her son. Oghren would be very happy about it. Loghain rewarded the messenger with some silver pieces and dismissed him.

He walked around, aimlessly, and his steps brought him to the chapel. He sneaked in through a secondary entrance, found a spot in the shadows and observed Marcia. He knew that what he was doing was a bit sinister to say the least. He had craved for the opportunity to see again that image of her, alone, kneeling down before Andraste in prayer; the skin of her face shining by the twinkling and warm light of the candles; the fervor in her voice, the movement of her lips as she recited the Canticle of Benedictions. In those moments, she was beautiful and true. That image filled him with peace, and brought tears to his eyes. He left just as quietly.

She knocked on his door that night. He let her in. Underneath the blanket she was covering herself with, Loghain saw a long, cotton nightgown. He lifted the blanket from her shoulders, sat on the corner of the bed and simply enjoyed the sight of her.   


“Why were you at the chapel?” she asked him.

Loghain blushed for an instant, but he kept his gaze on her. He didn’t answer.

“Why were you at the chapel?” she repeated.

He stood silent. She walked towards him, and sat on top of him. Maker, the amount of restraint he had to gather in order not to yield to the urge to lift up her nightgown and take her right there, was unfathomable. Still, he needed to stay still, he told himself. She suddenly grabbed his face with one icy hand. An unnatural cold crept around his body, so strong he that any movement was impossible, and the breath proved difficult. The amount of power she had summoned was so that the fireplace, which was the only source of light, went out. 

“Never again” she said.

“Never… again” he muttered, with great effort.

She released him, still on top of him. In darkness, he embraced her as he gasped for air. By then, he knew her well enough as to understand what she was doing. She was provoking him. She wanted to force a violent outburst from him, a punishment for her transgression. She even had the audacity of using magic, which, according to her moral order, called for extra penance. He wasn’t going to give her that, at least not that night; but he wanted to show her that trying to play tricks on him had consequences. He passed his fingers through her hair, delicately. She kissed him, and he pushed her under him. He abstractedly caressed and kissed her tights for a while, but stopped before she enjoyed it too much and rose from the bed. She followed him, the both of them standing in front of the frozen fireplace.

“Undress” he ordered, the same voice he would use on his men.  


“But it’s so cold…” she protested.

“You should have thought about it before casting your spell, then”

“I could make the fire lit again”

“No. Undress. Don’t make me repeat it” he replied, harshly.

She moved and he heard the sound of the fabric running through her skin, until it finally reached the floor. She tried to lean on him, seeking the warmth of his embrace, but he rejected her.

“Now, kneel”

He couldn’t see her, and that was a pity, but he knew that she had obeyed.

“Beg me. Beg for and I may grant it”

“You already know what I want…”

“I want to hear you say it, word by word”

Her reply was silence. He could hear her shivering, rubbing her arms and hands in order to mitigate the cold. It made his heart shrink, but he did not move. He knew that she was too shy or too proud to comply with his demand, and that would lead to an impasse. 

“I cannot do that” she whispered.

“Beg, Marcia”

“Please, please. Just hold me. Let me light the fire. I’m freezing, and all alone. I just want to be with you. I beg you. Please. Just hold me” she implored.

Loghain was not expecting such a candid and innocent request. It almost made him feel like an asshole for demeaning her. Almost, but not completely. Part of him wondered if it was just another stratagem of hers. No, she sounded so heartfelt... He picked up her nightgown, helped back on her feet and dressed her. She clasped her fingers and fire burnt inside the hearth once more. Loghain led her into his bed, for the first time. He held her tight, softly kissing the back of her neck, and then gently caressed her hair until she fell asleep.


	16. Moving forward

The following days, Marcia’s attitude when they were alone shifted. Every night, she would quietly creep under the blankets with him. She would rest peaceful in his embrace, and seemed content with that. She didn’t push for more, she didn’t tease or provoke him. When asked about that change of heart, she answered:

“I told you that when my magic awoke at sixteen my faith was shaken. I still believed, and I remained loyal to the Chantry; but I was convinced that the Maker had forsaken me, and in return I abandoned his ways, in some sort symbolic act of rebellion against Him. I lost myself for nine long years, right up until last year’s Mage Rebellion. I’ll tell you, for all my hate for those rebels, they did one thing right. They reminded me of myself, of what I had lost, so I could start the path for recovery.”

“It is only natural that you would feel lost and abandoned after what happened to you…”

“Don’t try to excuse me” she said. “But you need to understand. In the Circle, passions were a matter of the here and now. Easy come, easy go. It was sort of the thing everybody was doing in hushed rooms and dark halls; and, when I was an apprentice, I did it too. The first one was my rival. We hated each other, and loathed ourselves for what we did, but we couldn’t resist it. Eventually we got bored, of course, and moved on”

Loghain said nothing. She continued:

“Over the years, as I advanced in my career, I became the mistress of several men, until I finally settled for one and became his steady lady-friend. I don't want to go into detail, but he was powerful; and I did it for influence, not for love. It was empty. It was just the thing to do if you wanted to move up in the world fast. Besides, it took me away from the Circle. His favors were essential for the special dispensations and the special treatment I enjoyed as much as my own efforts and value as Knight-Enchanter. Without them, I would’ve been caged in the Circle. It’s sad to think about it in those terms, but it is the truth. If I had only relied on my own merits, I would’ve never led the life I did and my relative _freedom_. You must understand; I never knew anything different. Relationships were just a means to an end. It seems that I was too used to that, and I got it all wrong” 

“What about your feelings for the Knight-Commander? It looks like you were searching for something more than…”

“Whoring myself out to aristocrats and high-ranking military officers?” she suggested.

“I’d say securing your position. Nothing wrong in doing what’s necessary to overcome your circumstances” 

“That’s very kind. Thank you” she said “About the Knight-Commander. That was different. I actually _felt_ something for him, something that aspired to more and made me feel unworthy. It was bittersweet and beautiful. But it was never to be, and that’s fine. It was an exquisite longing. For a long time I thought that I would never feel anything again. It turns out that I needed _this_ , and this brings me more satisfaction than any passion I’ve ever indulged in”

He kissed her forehead, wrapped his arms around her and pondered what she had just confessed. He found out that he wasn’t distressed by that new impression of her. On the contrary, he found it really interesting.

“So, it doesn’t bother you?” she softly asked, with a hint of worry on her voice.

“It doesn’t bother me what? That you have been with other people?” he replied. He burst into laughter.

“I am glad you find the question funny. A lot of people have very strong views on it”

“Darling, if you wouldn’t expect me to be a saint, why would I expect you to be one? It’s nonsense. Besides, I never had any doubt about it. You have seen other people, so have I. I fail to see what's wrong with that. It’s just…”

“What?”

“Now I understand why you pray so much” he teased her.

“Oh, ha-ha. Very funny, are we? Maker, I’m never going to hear the end of that”

The soldiers returned to the Keep, along with the Glavonak brothers. Nathaniel and Oghren had established a forward encampment, and were waited there for Loghain and Marcia to join them in the Wending Wood. The only thing they needed was to give Dworkin some time to work on his explosives. He didn’t need much. After a couple of days, he interrupted Loghain’s dinner with an ardent enthusiasm. 

“What’s that?” Loghain asked, pointing at the sack the dwarf craftsman had put on the table beside him.

“These are my beauties! The work is done”

“Have you lost your mind?” howled Loghain, moving away from it. 

Dworkin giggled.

“Don’t worry, they are safe. It’s like, how to put it? Runes. They’re inactive. Your lady-mage can detonate them from a safe distance. See?” he took one in his hand and smashed it to the table “Completely safe, they are ideal for traveling. It took me a while to come up with that”

It was actually a pretty clever idea.

“I’ll see that you are adequately compensated. Anything else?” Loghain asked, seeing that Dworkin hadn’t left.

“Maybe give me a steady job here? Wardens do like their tunnels, and explosives can make your life easier. You won’t regret it”

Loghain sighed.

“I’ll think about it”

Marcia joined him short after that. 

“What’s in the bag?” 

“Explosives”

“Wonderful” she said.

They left for the Wending Wood the next morning, their mounts loaded with provisions. It wasn’t until dusk that they reached the camp. Oghren greeted them:

“Maker’s balls, we thought that we would have to go in alone!”

“And how would’ve you bypassed the blockade, genius?” Loghain asked, as he got off his horse.

“Never underestimate an angry dwarf, Former-Teyrn”

Nathaniel ran to help Marcia unload the burdens from her steed. Marcia allowed him, and thanked him, with a smile. Oghren observed them, and conspiratorially, told Loghain:

“You’ll lose choirgirl to him if you don’t act quickly. She’s like Andraste. And you must be the Maker. In this analogy, Nathaniel would be Maferath. Show her”

“Maferath? I think you’re both exaggerating and uttering blasphemy”

“Well, what I mean is that you have to be the Maker. Show her you are her Maker. Just some friendly advice from Oghren to his favorite disgraced noble”

“You know? I think you are right” he replied, holding back laughter at the terrible piece of advice.

The four of them had dinner around the campfire and talked about nothing of importance. Oghren was exultant when Loghain told him that Felsi and her son would soon move to Amaranthine. Nathaniel shared a story about a Grand Tourney he had attended years ago, before becoming a warden, in the Free Marches.

“You bought a wind-up toy bronto that played music?” Marcia, with amusement. “Do you still have it?”

“Maybe” he replied. “I’m not confirming nor denying it”

“Oh, very mysterious” she said. “You can come clean with us. Nobody here is going to shame you for owning such a doll”

“Speak for yourself, choirgirl” Oghren said, laughing.

“I have a broody reputation to protect. And it’s not a _doll_. It’s a mechanical wonder”

They kept conversing for a while, talking about nothing in particular, sharing stories, bickering, and joking. Loghain actually had a good time. One by one, they all left for their respective tents. 

Outside, a cold drought put out the lingering campfire. Loghain knew better than to believe it had been a spontaneous, natural phenomenon. He waited. Under the cover of darkness, Marcia sneaked into his tent. He held her close, her back to his chest.

“My, my… Such audacity” he whispered in her ear. 

He caressed the skin under her nightgown. Slowly, he slipped his hand between her legs.

“What are you doing?” she murmured.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, but we are in camp. The others…”

He covered her mouth with the other hand and harshly said:

“Then don’t make a sound”

He allowed her to guide his hand to just the right spot. He couldn’t see her or hear her, but he could feel her breathing fast, her body moving to his whim, like in a trance. He was tempted to withdraw his hand prematurely, but he didn’t. He let their finish, and only then removed the hand that was muzzling her.

She turned and kissed his lips, and then tried to return the favor, but he stopped her. She seemed puzzled.  


“You are not allowed to do that” he whispered.  


She remained silent and made herself comfortable, close to him. He abstractedly caressed her arms before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My hand slipped. No, Loghain's. Go home, me. Wait, I'm already there. I've been here for more than a month. Or more. I don't know. Time is an illusion.


	17. The forgotten laboratory

The runes were carefully placed, and everyone had moved to a safe distance. Marcia detonated them on Loghain's mark. A clamor followed the explosion. 

“Do you think you can clear the rubble?” asked Loghain.

“Sure thing”

Marcia closed her eyes, gathering power and giving it focus. She moved the remaining rocks and rubble away, clearing a path into the tunnels. She seemed a bit exhausted afterwards. Loghain handed her a flask of lyrium. She sipped a couple of drops and exchanged a secret smile with him. The others didn’t notice.

“So the horses are going to be fine?” said Oghren.

“I placed wards around them, and also the pony. Stop worrying and don’t go any closer to them”

Loghain took a last look at the sky, and then led the party into the mine. Marcia summoned a wisp to light the way. 

“Keep that magic away from me” 

Marcia drew a small wisp from it, and made it dance and circle around Oghren.

“Oh, no, it has a mind of its own. I lost control over it!” she jested. “I think… I think it’s going to explode!”

Nathaniel chuckled at the scene.

“Loghain!” cried Oghren. “Inflict order!” 

“It’s hardly dangerous Oghren” he replied. “Stop paying attention to it and she will stop it”

Marcia made the wisp leave him alone, and integrated it into the former ball of light.

“What got into you today, choirgirl?” asked Oghren. “All cheery and that. It’s unnatural”

“I am sure Marcia won’t do something like that again” said Loghain, giving her a severe look.The last thing he needed was to babysit her. It would be ridiculous.   


They went deeper, into the bowels of the mine. 

“It’s not far ahead” said Nathaniel. “Wait, did you hear that?”

“Yes. Stay on guard, all of you” said Loghain.

Nathaniel readied his bow, and Loghain assumed a defensive position. The runes on Maric’s blade shined. Oghren held his hammer, impatient. He almost jumped when Marcia activated her blade of magical energy.

“What in the…” he uttered, looking at the spirit blade.

But he didn’t have time to finish his very likely blasphemous sentence. A horde of deepstalkers attacked them. Marcia summoned a magical field that greatly slowed down the fiends that entered. With that advantage, they ended the threat without much effort. Oghren regarded her in shock.

“That was… Choirgirl, that was…”

“Save some awe for later” she replied.  


They pressed on, through the tunnels, until they reached the abandoned Architect’s base. Loghain observed that it was some kind of laboratory, a site for research. It was deserted.

“Everything is as I remember” Nathaniel said. “Nobody’s been here for a long, long time”

“All right, let’s search for clues as to where that Architect might have gone”

At first glance, he noticed scattered books, broken vials, levers, some old bloodstains… and a fair deal of skeletons in a pit. None of those things were of any help. Marcia examined the tomes, but her interest faded quickly. Nathaniel was explaining how the levers controlled the flow of an experiment, and that the bodies of the pit were its unfortunate subjects.  


“Hum mm” uttered Marcia. A round metal sculpture in a pedestal, close to the levers, had caught her attention.

“What about it? It’s just a sculpture…” said Oghren. “Surana examined it and found it useless”

“Well, Surana had only just passed her Harrowing before becoming a grey warden, didn't she? For all accounts, she had the knowledge of an apprentice. I doubt she had the chance of embarking on _higher_ learning” Marcia replied, with a hint of arrogance on her voice.

She placed her hands on the globe. Nothing happened. She summoned a bit of magic energy, and it reacted to her, glowing blue.

“It’s an astrarium, a Tevinter relic that marks constellations” she explained.

“Underground? That’s rather strange” said Loghain. 

“Indeed. This one seems different. Astrariums have more uses than navigation through constellations, though. They can point to hidden places, assuming one knows how to unlock them”

“I thought your area of expertise was elven lore, not Tevinter” Loghain pointed out.  


“Before dabbling in ancient elven research, one must study Tevinter. It is only fitting, since the Imperium was built on the remains of the Elven Empire. Now, if there are no more questions, let me deal with it”

“You know how to make it work?”

“It’s just solving a puzzle”

Marcia tampered with it for a while. At last, a gleam of blue light came of it, and it projected some sort of map on the wall before it. She smiled proudly, like she was waiting for applause. Loghain examined the chart, fascinated. 

“I’ve never seen anything like that before. I believe it’s an underground map of Ferelden and the Free Marches. We are here” he pointed at a spot that glowed deeper than the rest. There were other two spots marked in such manner.

“Astrariums are connected in triads. Unlock the three of them, and you get the coordinates to whatever they are hiding” she said.

“We need to make a copy of the map, then. There must be something here that can help, some blank vellum or something”

“Well, about that…” started Oghren “Surana took all the vellum with her when she was here?”

“Why?” asked Marcia.

“Who knows? Maybe her hard and deprived childhood in an Alienage is to blame for the looting compulsion. Your guess is as good as mine” the dwarf replied.

Marcia left out a sight, and took a tome out of her backpack.

“Use my field journal” she said, giving it to Loghain. “You can take some blank pages and copy the map; then we put them back together, later”

She gave him her quill and a small flask of ink, and Loghain started to reproduce the chart. 

“So choirgirl has a diary” Oghren mocked her.  


“It’s a for research purposes!”

“Dear diary, today I found myself lustily looking at some of the soldiers in the keep. I prayed for two hours, but the sinful thoughts won’t go away. I am ashamed, I have been a very, very naughty Andrastian” he continued, and burst into laughter.

“Shut your mouth, dwarf.” she said.

“Oooh, so I’ve touched a nerve, huh?”

“I’m going to repeat it just once: it’s for research purposes”

“Yes, research into the secret longings of a religious young woman. Hehehe”

“It’s toad time!”

“Hush, the both of you!” ordered Loghain. 

Loghain would’ve never expected that Nathaniel would be the least problematic of the lot, but he had been wrong before. He groaned and continued his work, now in silence. It took him a while to complete the duplicate. It was a very odd map. 

“Let’s return to the surface” 

He approached the laboratory door. When he touched it, he felt an electric strike. 

“Well, shit” Marcia said. “Looks like we are trapped here”


	18. A minor complication

The last thing Loghain wanted to be was trapped in an ancient underground laboratory formerly inhabited by darkspawn. He turned to Marcia.

“Explain yourself” he said, scowling. 

“I’d say that toying with the astrarium has activated some sort of security measures”

“Can’t you just nullify it?”

“Sure, I could try but…”

“But what”

She bit her lip.

“What if that triggers more safeguards? I mean worse safeguards. For all I know, when there’s one, there’s usually more. It could be dangerous”

“Maybe you should’ve checked before touching the astrarium, don’t you think?”

“Well, I didn’t think of that, I’m sorry”

“So much for _higher_ learning…” he said, shaking his head disapprovingly. 

He knew that he had just hurt her pride, and regretted his words almost immediately. 

“Right, because we would’ve totally found clues if I hadn’t touched it. Maybe we would’ve stumbled across a severed brain and used it, since it looks like none else here was using theirs!” she replied, sardonically.

“I would advise against sarcasm in this moment” he warned her.  


“Or what” she pushed. 

“Marcia…”

And there they were, down the rabbit hole. They engaged in a heated argument. That embarrassing display went on for a while, until Nathaniel cleared his throat to get their attention.

“Sorry to interrupt” he said, quietly. “There’s no need for belligerence. There’s a camouflaged exit on the other side of the room. Behind the bookcase”

Marcia was just too pleased to hear that and cracked a smug smile. Loghain gave her an icy stare and just said:

“We’ll talk later”

They followed the passage, in awkward silence, into a set of caves. There were skeletons and remains scattered all over. It must be the darkspawn Surana’s party cleared years ago., he though. It wasn’t pretty but at least there was no opposition, except for the occasional band of deepstalkers. The caves led to a big gate. It opened normally, and they arrived at a vast chamber.

“I remember this place” Nathaniel mentioned. “We killed a couple of fully-grown dragons here. I believe these are their bones”

They kept walking into the room, and suddenly, an arcane horror revealed its presence. Nathaniel was the quickest to react. He shot some arrows at it, but it disappeared into thin air. Everything was quiet for a moment, and then some crackling was heard. The dragon skeletons started to move, reanimated by magic. At a guess, it was the arcane horror’s doing. 

“Crap” said Nathaniel.

Loghain felt the uplifting and revitalizing effect of Marcia’s beneficial barrier running through him. For their expressions, Nathaniel and Oghren had received the same effect. One of the dragons inhaled. Seconds later, instead of fire, it breathed out a stream of electricity, which they evaded. They fought them for a while, but dismantling normal skeletons wasn’t the same thing as dismantling dragon bones, they learned. Normal attacks wouldn’t work. The only thing that seemed to cause some damage was Marcia’s spirit blade, but, apart from fighting in melee, she consumed a lot of focus and concentration shielding them from incoming attacks and slowing time whenever possible. Loghain looked at her, silently asking for insight. She seemed to understand.

“I need them close in front of me and all of you to stay behind me, no matter what”

She started preparing for a spell. Nathaniel covered her as best as he could. Oghren and Loghain taunted the creatures and brought them closer to her, then quickly placed themselves behind her. Then, she cast a pulse of cold, so strong that froze everything in front of her, including the dragons. She cried in exertion as she punched the frozen floor with her gauntlet. It sent a wave through the ice, which shattered it. The dragons were crushed to shiny, frozen dust. She stood there, kneeling and breathing heavily, trying to regain her strength.

“Leave me be and take care of that thing, dammit! It will strike back soon” she said, fatigued.  


Just as she said, the arcane horror attacked them. Miraculously, the barriers she had summoned were still up. It took them a while, but they killed it without getting any severe injury. Marcia’s barrier shielded them against its magical attacks. Loghain turned to Marcia. She was still bowing on the ground, quivering, pale and cold as the snow. She had the lyrium flask on her hands; its contents were completely frozen. Loghain took it from her and, with assistance from Nathaniel, helped her back on her feet. She was too weak to walk on her own, so she leaned on them. Oghren led them back to the surface.

They emerged from an entrance on the other side of the woods. The trek back to the camp was slow due to Marcia’s condition, but they reached it before nightfall. They made fire and sit her close to it. Her stare was lost somewhere in the mid distance. She asked for the lyrium. Loghain had forgotten about it. The content of the flask had melted, and she took some drops. She looked better after it, but not as much as expected. Maybe she needed more, but she was very careful when consuming it. Once she had said that she preferred to take less than too much of it. Hours later, she hadn’t still uttered a word. Loghain passed her a slice her favorite goat cheese, as a peace offering after their quarrel. She looked at him, puzzled. He could tell that she was still upset. To be honest, so was he, but at that moment he was more worried for her than anything else. She took the cheese and ate it in silence.

“Elemental magic is a mess” she mumbled, after a while. “I fucking hate it” 

After that complaint, she went to her own tent and fell asleep.


	19. Pride

They arrived back at Vigil’s Keep the next day, in the afternoon. 

“I think everyone has earned some of days of rest” Loghain told the team. He turned to Marcia before she sneaked away and added, severe “I want you in my study after supper”

She nodded and left, with a weary pace.

“Go easy on the lass” said Oghren. “She saved our asses back there”

“The point is, she wouldn’t have needed to in the first place, had she been more cautious and less overconfident” 

“Well, if you end up a frozen statue, don’t say that I didn’t warn you. Choirgirl is quite the danger” the dwarf said and laughed.

“By the way, Oghren... It would be appreciated if you don’t sexualize her religious sentiments. Give her a rest about it, will you?”

“We are all so sensitive all of the sudden” he groaned.

Once set in his room, and after taking off the heavy armor and putting on a humble gambeson, Loghain examined the reproduction he had made of the map. He took out the pages and put them together on his desk. He located the spot marking the Silverite mine. If there was that, then one spot should be somewhere in the southern Brecilian Forest and the other one, north, in the Free Marches. Close to Kirkwall, maybe? He would need to consult Nathaniel about it. The chart wasn’t vague; the problem is that it showed the underground. Still, it was a start, and not a bad one. He looked at Marcia’s journal, and with curiosity, opened it. There were some elven texts, and it seemed that she was trying to interpret them. There were some scattered translations here and there, but most of their meanings remained hidden. He read something about warriors. _Arcane warriors_. What in the Maker’s name could that mean? He kept passing pages. There were more texts, tables of equivalences and some poorly done but clear enough sketches and drawings of things she had encountered over the years.  


The Seneschal interrupted his query. He brought him a dispatch and then left. Loghain was surprised to see the royal seal on it, for he didn’t expect any communication with the Crown. He opened it, fearing the worst. It turned out to be a letter from Anora. The tone of her missive was still a bit distant and formal, but it was more than enough for him. She conveyed her will to start an ongoing correspondence with him, and her affection. It was enough to fill his heart with hope.

Marcia wasn’t there at the dining hall for supper. Loghain sat with Nathaniel and Oghren. About her absence, Nathaniel said that she had mentioned something about taking a nap. Oghren, on the other hand, thought that she was just eluding Loghain in fear of a public scolding. Whatever it was, Loghain thought that she’d better show up later. After dinner, he went back to his chamber and waited for her.

She did show up, after a while, looking considerably better. Loghain guessed that Nathaniel was right. She must have taken quite the nap. She was wearing fine leather trousers and a cotton shirt. Of course, she carried her blanket around her. Loghain wondered how it was possible that she had that natural attunement to the element of ice and still be so sensitive about the cold. 

“Sorry if I’m late, I needed to eat something after I woke up” she said, entering the room.

“Do you know why I asked you here?”

“Because I was reckless, impulsive and put us all at risk?”

“You forgot arrogant, but yes. All that goes without saying” he said. “I am not without reason. It was the only way to gather what was the only clue to be found there; and nothing serious happened thanks to a combination of luck and your efforts”

“So you are saying I was right” she said.

“Yes, but that’s not the point. This isn’t about you being right or wrong. It is about the way you acted”

“I don’t follow”

“I think you do. You openly undermined and challenged my leadership in front of our team. That is unacceptable”

“I didn’t mean to” she uttered.  


“Well, you did”

Marcia tried to defend herself.

“You personally attacked me in the first place” she said.

“I was not, you are just too proud to think otherwise. It was just the same reproach I would have given to any other person in the same circumstances. I have the _right_ to do it every time; moreover, it is my _place_ to do it. You don’t like it, you deal with it. And if you want to talk about it because you still think you were correct, you take it with me in private. I can’t believe I have to explain to you, a Knight-Enchanter who served in battle, how the chain of command works. Don’t misinterpret me. I have no use for mindless minions that would obey me without question. I am not that kind of commander, but yesterday you crossed the line”

She lowered her gaze and stared at the floor, visibly embarrassed and distressed. He thought that his tone had been a little too harsh, so he softened his voice and added:

“I know that you are used to being in my end of the chain of command. I know that sometimes it can be difficult to be in the receiving end of the instructions when you used to be the one giving them. I know that when your pride is hurt you lash out, but I need you to work to overcome it. I need you to stand by me. We can’t afford to look divided and you are the only one I trust here. You know that the Silver Order doesn’t hold me in high regards. Same could be said about Weisshaupt, the Orlesian wardens, King Alistair and even the most part of the population of this country, my own country. I need your support, Marcia. More than anything”

Marcia was still with her head down. She trembled a bit, and a he realized that she was holding back tears. Oh crap, he thought. He held her tight and embraced her, soothing her. 

“You’ve always had it” she muttered between hushed weeping. “I am sorry”

“It’s all right. I am sorry too”

“Then we are fine?” she asked, with shyness.

“Of course we are fine” he assured her.  


They were lying in bed. Marcia was lying towards him, caressing his hair and face, tenderly. He had his eyes closed, and was just enjoying her attentions.

“If I tell you something, promise you won’t laugh?” she asked.

“I promise” he said, opening his eyes to observe her.

“Before coming here, I may have fantasized about you making me strip and kneel and beg for forgiveness and then make me _earn_ the pardon” she confessed, her cheeks blushing.

He raised his eyebrows. That was unexpected.

“You’re giggling” she complained “I knew it was silly”

“No it is not. You just surprised me” he said. “When I did something like that your reaction in the end…”

“Well I was freezing cold and suddenly felt alone and insecure. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t enjoying myself before that. It felt confusing. Everything was so much at the same time. I simply asked for what I truly wanted in that particular moment”

Loghain tried to process all that. Marcia’s greatest sin was clearly pride, and yet she was basically asking him to demean her. Maybe it was a matter of balance, he thought. Or, whatever. It didn’t really matter. It took her guts to be open about it, and that was what mattered. 

“So, you like it when I treat you in that manner? I mean, in _that_ context” he asked.

“Yes. I also like it when you are harsh. Like, at the camp…" she made a pause. "I don’t like pain. Nor insults. No weird stuff either. Not my thing”

He nodded. Insulting her or hurting her had never crossed his mind. He idea what she could mean by weird stuff, but he guessed it wouldn't be a problem either.  


“You want me to degrade you and dominate you more often then?” he said with a grin.

“I think I would like that” she said. “Not all the time, though. I enjoy lying with you just like we are now, all sweet and nice and serene”

“Yes, me too” he agreed. “I enjoy this very much”

“So you’re fine with all that?”

“I am” he said, as he passed his fingers through her hair.   



	20. Interlude

Loghain spent the next couple of days doing research, trying to define with more precision the exact places the spot on the map marked. He wanted to discuss his findings with Nathaniel, since he had lived in the Free Marches for many years and might be able to offer further insight into that. About the Brecilian Forest, he had explored it himself in several occasions, and he had some ideas as to where to start looking. Its borders reached his former domain, the Teyrn of Gwaren, and he had lost himself in these woods in more than one occasion. Still, he remembered that he had given the team some days off after coming back from the silverite mine, so he didn’t call for a meeting. 

Oghren had gone to Amaranthine to spend these days with his family, and Nathaniel was around the Keep, minding his own business When Loghain crossed the courtyard to see Dworkin, he saw Nathaniel, with Marcia. He was trying to teach her how to use a bow. She was terribly bad at it, but it looked like she was having a lot of fun.

“Oh, Warden-Constable Mac Tir, what’s the occasion?” asked Dworkin, when he noticed his presence.

“You know what, Dworkin? I am giving you the steady job you asked for”

The dwarf’s eyes gleamed with enthusiasm. 

“Yes! You will not regret it! Is there anything in particular you wish me to do, or should I just study and innovate in this fine art as I see fit?”

“In fact, I need more of these explosive runes. A lot of them”

They would need them if they were to embark in several expeditions. Maker knew what the state of the caves and tunnels could be. Besides, explosives were useful when collapsing points of entry to the Deep Roads in order to keep the darkspawn down. 

“That’s good to hear! I will start at once”

That afternoon, Loghain was showing Marcia his discoveries. He showed her different maps, and contrasted them.

“You’ve kept yourself busy” she said, impressed. “Some of these maps are very unique. They’re beautiful” 

Loghain thought that she was beautiful, but he didn’t tell her. Even in his mind, it sounded rather cheesy. 

“Move to my chambers” he said, instead. 

“What?”

“Move to my chambers” he insisted.

“You know I don’t live exactly far, right?” she chuckled. “Besides, everyone will notice”

“I don’t care. The thought of you sneaking in and out of my bedroom or my tent, like a courtesan or a…less dignified name” he shook his head “I won’t have you running around at night, hiding like we are doing something wrong. You deserve more than that. And I owe it to myself, as well. If we are to be the talk of the Keep for a while, then so be it. It won’t last forever. My conscience will be clean, knowing that I am treating you with the respect you deserve. I don’t want us to hide”

Her eyes brightened.

“Oh, when you put it that way, how can I say no?”

They spent the rest of the afternoon moving her things. Most of it was clothing, practical and simple. The rest was some basic living utensils, books and the trunk, filled with artifacts and a decent quantity of flasks of highly concentrated lyrium. And, of course, there was her blanket. Loghain noticed that all of her things were too austere, even for Fereldan standards. She didn’t own any  _pretty_ things. Some of the artifacts and relics in the trunk were fascinating, and her weapon, the blade hilt, was of fine craftsmanship, but they were not  _beautiful_ . He knew it was a silly thought, for she didn't need pretty things, but somehow, it made him a bit sad.

The days of rest went by quickly. Loghain summoned the team to discuss their next steps. Nathaniel examined the maps of the Free Marchers, with a troubled gesture. 

“If I am not mistaken that spot near Kirkwall should be the thaig Hawke found during her expedition to the Deep Roads”

“You mean, where she discovered the red lyrium idol? That is a cause for concern. Imagine if the Architect had anything to do with red lyrium…”

“Indeed. I almost died down there. I would be happy never to set a foot in that thaig again. But, if we need to go there, I will do my best” Nathaniel said.  


“I believe that the right course of action at this moment is to find the astrarium in the Brecilian Forest first. Depending on what we find, we will decide if we venture into the Free Marches. Maybe we won’t need to. Still, if we do, I hope to count with your expertise and guidance” Loghain said.

Nathaniel nodded. 

“So I guess you have any idea where to start?” asked Oghren “I missed that part of Surana’s adventures, I’m afraid”

“I have a slight idea, yes, but the area is large, dangerous and wild. It will take time and effort to cover it”

“Maybe you should get in contact with someone that went there with her” the dwarf suggested. 

“What are you proposing?” Loghain asked, although he knew what Oghren meant perfectly well.  


“I’m just saying that Denerim is on the way to the forest”

“I’ll take that into account. We should prepare for a long expedition, we don’t know how long it will take us or what to expect. Dismissed”

Nathaniel and Oghren left, Marcia stayed and closed the door behind them. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked. 

“What’s wrong? I am supposed to just stroll into the royal palace and ask King Alistair for information? Preposterous! I shall do no such thing”

“You know that the information could be useful. It could save us a lot of time and trouble. You said it was going to be dangerous, that we don’t know what we will face”

“I know what I said, Marcia"  


“You are letting your emotions cloud your judgement” she said.

Loghain groaned. She was right, of course, but he didn’t want to hear it.

“Let’s pretend I do that. I go to the royal palace, humble myself to the King – something that will please him greatly – and then he refuses to give out any information. What then?”

“I am sure there are ways to convince him to tell us. Moreover, I’d say that he will very much enjoy telling you something you don’t know”

“Oh, that makes me feel so much better about it” Loghain muttered, sarcastically.

“The feud you two have is beneath you, Loghain. If King Alistair wishes to indulge in it, let him. I assure you, it’s quite unbecoming and unworthy of someone in his position, and we all know that. Anora knows that as well. Let him gloat and rumble, but don’t follow him there. You are better than that”

He took her hand and kissed it. 

“I’ll think about it, but I promise nothing” 

He said that, but deep down he knew that she had already persuaded him. 


	21. An audience

The streets of Denerim were as lively and busy as he remembered them. Merchants, workers, nobles, servants, soldiers, all of them entangled on the web that their lives and deeds threaded. It felt strangely good to be back in the capital after so many years. 

“Can we stay at the Pearl?” Oghren said. “Surana let us stay there”

“What’s the Pearl?” Marcia asked.  


“It’s the… brothel” Loghain said. “And no, we are not staying at the Pearl. We will stay at the Gnawed Noble Tavern, in the Market District. There will be no debate on that”

There was a murmur from Nathaniel:

“Thank the Maker” 

The bartender at the Tavern raised an eyebrow when he saw then marching in; specifically, when he realized who he was. Even under the hood he was wearing at the moment, Loghain couldn’t escape his own notoriety. He paid in advance for three rooms and added two more sovereigns for discretion. The last thing he wished was attention to him and his business. The bartender promised to keep it quiet, and Loghain told him there would be other two sovereigns afterwards if he kept that promise. 

The welcome at the Court began in a rather cold manner. Anora did her best to ease tensions, but it was clear that it wasn't enough. Loghain even made a reverence; a slight reverence, though. Marcia had told him into that as well, and their respectful disposition seemed to improve the mood. Even Oghren behaved. Marcia had been preparing them for days, and it was clear that that effort was yielding its fruits.  


“So, let me get this straight” Alistair, who was clearly beside himself, said. “You come to _your_ King in search for aid”

“Yes, your Majesty” said Loghain emotionless. His patience was growing thin by the moment.

Anora intervened, once again.

“Husband, we must help the Wardens. If you have any useful information, please, you must share it with them”

“Oh, will. I will give the information to the Wardens, all right. Just not to _him_ ” he said. He spoke directly to Marcia “You. Ser Trevelyan. I respect your brother and I owe him much for what he’s done for Ferelden. In honor of that, I will speak to you, and to you only”

Marcia looked at Loghain, puzzled, but he was as confused as her. He nodded at her and  watched as Marcia followed Alistair, until they were out of sight. Anora went to his side.

“Would you like to walk the gardens with me?” she asked.

“Of course” he said.

She led him to the cloistered interior garden. It was deserted; not even a guard in sight. First, they discussed trivial things. The weather, Vigil’s Keep facilities, morale. Realizing that he needed small chat to break the ice with his own daughter hurt him. Then she spoke of Marcia, whom she insisted on calling Ser Trevelyan. Loghain could see that she was quite taken with her. He wondered if she may feel the same after knowing their involvement, but said nothing. 

“Thank you for your letter” he said. “I really appreciate it. I was going to reply, but as I was coming to Denerim…”

“Please, write frequently. I know it won’t make up for all these years but… I’ve missed my father”

“I’ve missed my daughter too”

“Then we’ve both wasted our time” she said, and gave him a hug. “I am sorry. For everything”

“Hush, Anora. It’s me who’s sorry. It’s me who failed you. I want you to know, whatever happens, that you make me proud. You’ve always made me proud. You are the one precious thing I did right” 

She wept a bit, but composed herself quickly.  


“Don’t make me cry. What would the guards think if they see me crying?”

“That I killed your husband, again” he replied, sardonically. 

It was a horrible and distasteful joke. He immediately regretted saying that, but she laughed. It was the only thing that mattered.  


After a while, Anora left. She had a compromise somewhere else. He didn’t know if it was true or an excuse. They said their goodbyes with affection, however. When he returned to the entrance hall, Nathaniel and Oghren were still there, bored out of their minds. Marcia hadn’t made an appearance yet. Loghain told them that he would wait for her, and allow them to leave if they wished. They did, immediately. Once alone, he sat on a stone bench, in a corner, and waited what seemed like an eternity, for Marcia to show up. At last, he saw her approaching.  


“Took you a while” he said. “Did it go well?”

He didn’t need to ask. She was glowing in smugness and satisfaction, all blushing in self-complacency. 

“I’d say I have outdone myself” she said. “Wait, where are the others?”

“After a while they got bored and left the castle. I can’t say I blame them. Let’s get out of here while we still can. You wouldn’t believe the glances I’ve been getting”

They crossed the gates into the city. Outside, it was almost nightfall. On the way to the inn, still full of joy, she asked him:

“What did you do in the meantime? Did you see Anora?”

“I did”

“And?”

“We spoke” he said, briefly. 

“Oh well, be enigmatic if you wish”

She ignored him. Nothing could sour her good mood.


	22. Debriefing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I was simply trying something

They had a frugal dinner in the bedroom. It wasn’t exactly what Loghain would’ve liked, in ideal circumstances, but he couldn’t escape reality, or his own reputation. It was better to avoid the public dining hall. As far as he knew, Nathaniel and Oghren were still out in the city. He pitied Nathaniel, for he would probably end up being dragged from tavern to tavern, or to the Pearl.

Marcia was sitting on one side of the bed, polishing her armor, abstractedly.

“I am sure you cannot make it shinier than it is already” he said.

She put the armor away, and gazed into his eyes. Before he knew it, she was luring him towards her. 

“Stop” he said. “It’s time for a debriefing”

“Sure that can wait. Or is it another kind of debriefing?” she asked, enticingly. 

“No. I am serious. I want to know _everything_. Start now, and be thorough”

Marcia exhaled, in frustration, and explained what had transpired in her meeting with King Alistair. She showed him her notes on the journal, revisited maps… Alistair had delivered. He had told her all he remembered. The Dalish elves, the ruins, the werewolf curse, the rumors of a cave with a corrupted mirror, landmark locations… She had taken notes of everything. When she finished, he asked her:

“That’s all?” asked Loghain. “You were particularly full of pride and joy. I seem to recall you saying that you outdid yourself”

“Well, I obtained the information, didn’t I? That’s what matters”

She hadn’t explained how she had obtained the information, he thought.

“Marcia, are you keeping things from me?”

“No. How can you say that?”

Loghain knew her well enough to know that she had just lied. It wasn’t that she was a bad liar; on the contrary. He just saw through her tells. He gave her a stern, cold look; one of those looks that could put even the most defiant soldier back in line.

“Think again and do it carefully. I’m giving you one last chance to finish your report”

Marcia bowed her head, ashamed to be caught. 

“The information did have a price” she muttered.

Just as he feared.

“A price? Don’t let it stuck in your throat, speak!”

He realized he was angry, even before having her full explanation. She obviously noticed.

“Information for information, of course” she said, cautiously. “He wanted to know why it was important to us”

“I trust you didn’t tell him”

“No. I didn’t give him any details. I just told him that our ultimate goal was trying to understand more of the taint, in order to find a way to free ourselves of the calling. He knows nothing more. By telling him that, I secured the unofficial backing of the Royal Family for that matter. That’s why I was so satisfied. Despite everything, he’s personally interested in finding a cure. I simply needed to remind him of that fact. Once I did, things went smoothly”

“Nothing else occurred?” he said.

He wasn’t sure where he wanted to get with that question, but he asked it on impulse anyway.

“No. What else could have possibly occurred?” she asked, frowning.  


“Tell me now and tell the truth. Was it an occurrence of the moment or you had planned something like that in advance?” he asked, his eyes narrowing with suspicion.

“The idea of it had crossed my mind before coming here, but I dismissed the possibility of using that card. How would I have known that I would meet with the King alone?”

“And you didn’t think of sharing that idea? Even after all the efforts you went through to prepare us for the audience?”

“As I said, I honestly believed that it would be impossible to use it to our advantage; I thought the audience would be public. I couldn't bargain for his unofficial support in public, in front of the guards and his court”

“But you did anyway”

“The circumstances favored it”

“Indeed, you can be very persuasive in private, behind locked doors, when you have all the attention to yourself” he remarked. “Don’t think I don’t see that”

It was unworthy of him, and he knew it.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she said.

He meant that sometimes he was scared of the power her words seemed to have over him; but most of all, he meant that he didn’t like the idea of her using her charms on King Alistair. That was it. He was jealous. That’s where the anger came from. He despised the irrationality, the ludicrousness of that feeling, but he couldn’t stop it; he could only aspire to control his actions.

“I am sorry, that was unworthy of me"

"It was indeed" she agreed.

"Please forget about it” he said, and made a pause “Still, you openly and knowingly exceeded your boundaries. Then, you thought you could hide your dealings from me. Don’t object. If I wouldn’t have insisted you would’ve stayed silent about it because you knew you had crossed the line. But then, you managed to turn the situation to our benefit. I cannot deny that winning the Crown’s support is quite the victory; and a very much unexpected one. Well done”

Marcia was noticeably confused.

“Then… you’re pleased?”

“I am. Next time, just make sure you don’t go behind my back. But as I said, this was a victory; your victory. You should savor it”

They stood silent for a while, each of them lost in thoughts. Loghain wasn't proud of some of the things he had said, and was torturing himself over it. Then, he noticed Marcia trying to catch his eyes. When she finally did, she approached him, a bit hesitant.

“A victory, you said? Well, in that case, I’d like to celebrate it with you” she said, slightly blushing.

That was a bit surprising. He had imagined that she would be crossed with him for the rest of the evening, but it looked like she wasn't. A pleasant surprise, then. Although, to be completely honest with himself, he wasn't sure he deserved. Still, he wanted it, and want, in that moment, was stronger than deserving.

“Oh, do you now?” he smirked. 

"Unless you believe that it would mean that I am mixing duty and pleasure in a wrong way" 

"Not at all, if you understand where one ends and where the other starts" he replied.

"I do" she nodded.  


She sounded very sure. Loghain wasn't quite sure himself, but he welcomed that she at least showed certainty. 

“Turn off all lights” he said.  


She did. Loghain relished her in the dark. No distractions, no troubles. It brought out the truth, and  _truth_ is what he craved for.

“Undress” he ordered.

He heard the fabrics reach the floor. He kept his clothes on.

“Stand still”

He approached her, stood behind her and placed his hand around her neck. Just that touch was enough for her breathing to go faster and deeper. Lips to ear, he whispered:

“That’s how it’s going to be. You are going to sit on my lap, and I am going to use my fingers just the way you like it. You are not allowed to make even the slightest sound. I won’t muzzle you. If you make a sound, I will stop and you’ll sleep on the floor tonight, like a dog. Understood?”

“Y-..”

He tightened his grip around her neck.

“Understood?” he snarled.

Marcia nodded her head, affirmatively.

“Good girl. Now, kiss the hand”

She did, and he pushed his fingers into her mouth. He removed them, pulled her towards him in a tight embrace, and worked her. He could feel her inhaling and exhaling as silently as she could, her heartbeat, her body shivering and her eventually losing control. When she was close to the end, she couldn’t help it and left out a sweet, small moan of pleasure. Loghain enforced his threat and removed his hand.

She turned to him, and tried to protest, but he covered her mouth.   


“Remember that you are not allowed to speak” he warned her.  


She nodded and he moved his hand to her collarbone.   


“You knew the consequences”

Marcia tried to move, he forced her to be still. 

“Maybe you want to make amends”

She nodded emphatically. 

“Get up and don’t move”

She got up, and he did as well. 

“You are going to undress me, like a good servant. I assume a woman of noble birth such as yourself understands the concept. Just know that if you try anything funny, you will regret it” he warned her.

Marcia removed his shirt first, avoiding any touch to his skin. Then she seemed to doubt, so he took her hand and placed it on his belt. She took it off, and then the leather trousers and the undergarments. He grabbed her arm and made her follow him back to the bed. He sat in the edge.

“Kneel”

He placed his hands on her head and guided her closer to him.

“You may not be able to speak, but I am sure you will find something useful to do with your pretty mouth”

She did, without giving it second thought. She clearly knew what she was doing, and she was good at it. Loghain tried to enjoy himself. He deserved it, didn’t he? Of course he did. And she was willing. Still, he wondered if he was being too strict, denying her release and then making her give it to him. Maybe he acted like that because of what happened before? He felt guilty. Could he possibly be losing control over her? No, his concern was real and legitimate. He didn't want to abuse his position, and he didn't want to act on the influence of what had transpired before. He ordered her to stop with a growl. She obeyed. 

“Stand up, Marcia"

Once she did, he pushed her towards the bed in a ruthless manner; but paying attention not to hit her. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he did. He placed her under him, her face to the mattress, and her back towards him. He firmly covered his mouth with his hand, and took her, completely, for the first time. Soon, he broke character. How could he possibly not break character? He realized that his priority was her pleasure, so he freed his hand from her mouth, and focused on giving her all his cares. And she took them with joyfulness.   


After they’ve finished, he embraced her, gently. He felt the need to reassure her, and also he wanted to be sure that he hadn’t gone too far.

“Are you all right?” he said.

Marcia kissed his mouth, with fervor. 

"I'm fine, and things were just fine. Were you worried?"

"I... Yes, I was. At the beginning things got a bit  harsh"

"I would I've let you know. You know me well enough as to imagine that I wouldn't keep my complaints to myself. Besides, if I felt truly threatened... Just remember that a bit of elemental magic goes a long way"   


Loghain smiled and kissed her forehead goodnight. Distractedly, he ran his fingers through her hair until she fell asleep. 


	23. Into the forest

Loghain sneaked out of the bedroom early in the morning. He walked around the market district, examining the merchants' wares in search for something that Marcia would like. Why he suddenly had that impulse, he wasn't completely sure. He tried not to think too much about the reasons behind it; he simply did it. The task proved more difficult than he had anticipated, though. Silks and ribbons? Not her thing. Opulent adornments? No. A nug pet? Not the wisest idea in that moment. Flowers? No, they would decay too soon. He was about to give up when something on the nearby jewelry stand caught his eye. It was a small medallion which depicted Andraste triumphant over the flames. The fires were made of gold, and the prophet was carved in silver. It was an exquisite piece.

“Ah, an excellent choice” the vendor said, a lavishly dressed Orlesian woman.

Of course she was Orlesian. At least she wasn’t wearing one of these ridiculous masks.

“Maybe a gift for someone special?” she ventured.

He nodded, and she smiled with complicity. Suddenly, she seemed to realize who he was. If he had a piece of silver for every time that something like that happened, he thought.

“Teyrn Loghain” she bowed her head politely “You saved my husband’s life at Ostagar, Maker bless you”

He was not expecting that. She explained that her husband was a Fereldan soldier, a low ranking officer that served in his army. By retreating, he had saved him, and many others. Her daughter and son weren’t orphans thanks to him, she said. Loghain didn’t quite know what to tell her; he was a bit embarrassed of his own prejudice. She insisted on giving him a discount, and she wished him good luck.

When he got back to the tavern, he found the rest of the team waiting for him.

“Andraste’s tits, man!” Oghren yelled “You’re late. And I’m the one with a hangover”

Nathaniel looked a bit under the weather.

“Don’t shout. You’re not the only one”

“I take it you two had fun last night?” Loghain asked.

“I took the Howe pup to a tavern crawl, until he crawled” said Oghren, proudly.

“Well, I hope you are ready to march because we are leaving at once”

The left Denerim behind, and ventured into the Brecilian Forest. The woods covered a large area of eastern Ferelden, and were very much uncharted, with no human presence beyond the reaches of Gwaren, further south. They had to thread carefully, and be ready in case of any form of hostility – coming from the wildlife or from other kind. The first day was even pleasant. The smell of humidity among the vegetation, the sound of the wind between the trees, the peaceful feeling of being away from civilization… Before nightfall, they made camp near to a small stream.

Around the fire, Nathaniel and Marcia shared gossip about nobility from the Free Marches while Oghren carved some wood. When asked about it, he said he was making a figurine for his son.

Loghain retired to his tent soon, and brought with him a small lantern. Marcia followed soon after. She was still giggling about some story about some baron whatever. She tried to explain but she was more chuckling than talking, and he didn’t get it. Still, it was amusing to see her like that. When she finally stopped laughing, she took off the remnants of her armor and curled up with him. He took her hands and placed the medallion in them. She looked at it at the light of the lantern, in awe.

“It’s beautiful” she said, and put it on immediately. “Thank you. I’m sorry I don’t have anything for you…”

“There’s no need”

They stood in silence, just enjoying each other’s company.

“Loghain, do you believe in the Maker?” she asked.

“I do, yes. My faith might not be as rooted as yours, or so ardent, but I do. I’ve seen enough to believe. I have seen an army of common folk raise against the mighty Empire of Orlais and its chevaliers and, against all odds, succeed; I have seen the Hero of Ferelden kill the Archdemon and survive; I have physically walked in the Fade during the Battle for Adamant Fortress, and here I am, safe and sound. There must be something. It has to be”

“I didn’t take you for the type” she confessed. “I thought you were a nonbeliever”

“Did the thought that I wasn’t Andrastian bother you?”

“No, but knowing that you are is comforting”

“But if you are going to ask me if I believe your brother really is the Herald of Andraste, touched by Our Lady and sent by the Maker, my answer will be no”

“Even I don’t believe that” she said, letting out a quiet laugh. “Wait, you said that you were physically in the Fade? Tell me everything!”

He told her: how his brother had opened a rift to save them from the fall; the spirit that impersonated Divine Justinia; the Nightmare and how it preyed on their fears and brought them to life; Hawke’s sacrifice allowing their escape.

“I was so cruel to her there. I called her a murderer for supporting the Templars in Kirkwall, and a traitor to her own kind. I told her that her hands were red with blood from every single mage in the city. I wish I could take it back. She didn’t deserve it. She did what she believed was right. Then she threw herself against that demon, saving us all. She wanted to do it. She wanted me to live so I could help rebuild the Wardens. I keep telling myself that maybe she found a way to survive, but I know that’s not how things work. Yet another death on my conscience”

“It is not your fault. It is the Nightmare’s fault. It is Corypheus’ fault. You are not to blame”

She embraced him, reassuring him, taking care of him. Then, she turned off the lantern and covered the both of them with blankets. She cuddled with him, and he slowly fell asleep, reveling in the touch of her soft fingers running through his skin.

The next day, they kept going south. The forest seemed to close on itself, becoming darker and feeling more and more oppressive. There was a strong mist that wouldn’t dissipate, not even at sun’s height. It made telling where they were quite difficult, and therefore, it slowed them. Loghain had an exceptional sense of orientation and was able to lead them even in the middle of the mists, though. At some point, they heard some howls, in the distance.

“There are tales about werewolves roaming in these parts" Nathaniel uttered, with a shiver.

“Surana dealt with them and their leader” Loghain said.

Marcia spoke.

“But only the Dalish hunters were cured. The curse hasn’t been lifted, and she didn’t kill all the werewolves, only the ones that were protecting Whitefang and got in her way. It is very likely that there were survivors, and that those who survived passed the curse to others. They are intelligent and swift. We should be wary”

“That’s bound to improve morale, Marcia. Thank you for that" he replied, sarcastic. "But you are right; we should be ready for anything”

They kept walking. It became more and more difficult to find a clear path.

“Did you hear that?” Nathaniel said. “I hear footsteps. A group, close, they’re fast”

Yes, Loghain had noticed, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Stay on your feet”

They didn’t realize until it was too late: they had walked into an ambush.


	24. Keeper Lanaya

They couldn’t see much because of the ever-persistent mist, but there was little doubt that they were surrounded by at least a dozen of armed Dalish hunters. Loghain could see their bows ready, arrows pointing at them. The woodworking style was just too distinctive.

“ _Shemlen_ , you are not welcome here”

“Let me handle this” whispered Marcia. “And keep your weapons down”

Loghain wasn’t convinced about it, but nodded and did as she asked.

“ _Andaran athish’an_ ” she politely greeted them. She said some more phrases in Elvish that Loghain didn’t understand. 

Some of the hunters laughed. They came closer, circling in, weapons still.

“Dreadful accent” one said; the one gave the impression to lead them. “But polite enough. Tell me, what is your purpose here?”

“We are Grey Wardens. We seek passage” Loghain replied.

“I didn’t ask you, did I? I asked her. Tell me, woman, why would grey wardens seek passage here? What could they possibly be searching for?”

“Corruption” she simply said.

The answer seemed to satisfy the elf.

“My clan isn’t unfamiliar to wardens. Not that I would expect you to know who we are. Keep your weapons sheathed and follow us. If you make any sudden movement you’ll have your throats slit before you can even call for your Maker”

The party of huntsmen led them into the camp, knives close to their necks. They presented them to their Keeper, an elven woman. Fortunately, she welcomed them in a much friendlier manner.

“I am Lanaya, the Keeper of this clan. I never thought I would encounter any of your order after the Blight" she took a closer look at them "I recognize some of you; others I don’t know. No comment? I suppose the Battle of Denerim was over a long time ago, but I didn’t imagine that you would forget who were your allies, not that fast at least”

Suddenly, Loghain understood.

“You were Keeper Zathrian’s first apprentice!” he said “Your clan fought alongside us at Denerim. Yes, I remember. The wardens remember”

The Keeper nodded.

“It just takes them a little effort, right? The wardens might remember, but the rest of the humans have a short memory. But let’s not dwell on that, for it was expected. You are Loghain Mac Tir. You battled the Archdemon alongside Surana. Zathrian was there as well”

“Indeed. I assume Zathrian is dead then? Since you are Keeper…”

“No, he is not dead. He’s just not the Keeper anymore”

Zathrian wasn’t just the Keeper, but the one that had summoned the werewolf curse and became immortal by being bound to it. If he wasn’t dead, it meant that the werewolf curse was still active, just as Marcia suspected after listening to the account offered by King Alistair. More good news, he thought. The day just kept getting better.

Lanaya regarded him, pensive.

“You are their leader now? What happened to Surana?”

“I am. Surana is... She’s just not leading us anymore”

“Fate can be very twisted”

“Indeed”

Lanaya turned to the elves.

“The wardens are welcomed guests. Let them walk freely around the camp while I converse with him”

She waited until they were alone to speak.

“You have questions” she said.

“I thought Dalish clans were itinerant. It just strikes me as a bit strange that you are here, once more. I mean no offense, I just wonder if maybe my quest could have something to do with whatever your clan is doing back here”

“I doubt it, for I already have a suspicion about what you’re looking for. But the rest of your observations are not completely wrong. Surana helped my clan almost ten years ago, and with her help, she secured our alliance for the Blight. You know that”

“Yes”

“You know what she helped with, exactly?”

“The werewolf curse. The curse that Zathrian had created and sustained”

“Yes, she slayed Whitefang and brought its heart to our Keeper. He used it to cure our afflicted brethren, but the curse wasn’t lifted. I didn’t know the details and I trusted my Keeper, so I didn’t ask. It wasn’t until a couple of years after the Blight that Zathrian confessed the rest of the story to me. Then, he disappeared. At that time I had to take care of the clan, a whole clan that was suddenly my responsibility. I chose to keep his secret and focus on giving my people an outlook to the future, not the past. Still, I knew that it wasn’t fair. What Surana allowed to continue wasn’t fair. I know she only did it because she felt in her heart that it was the only way; but it was abhorrent nonetheless, and must be undone. Eventually, I told the clan. We’ve been hunting Zathrian for three years now, to end the curse once and for all. We have followed him here, back to the place it all began. He’s here, somewhere, and he will not escape us”

“It is an honorable cause” he said.

“What is your cause, I wonder?”

“We are searching for signs of corruption; hunting a very cunning and intelligent darkspawn commander. We know he has, or used to have a lair somewhere in this forest, but we don’t know the location. We have some clues, but are inconclusive. One under my command, the woman, believes that we should start investigating the rumors about a tainted eluvian in a cave”

“She is wiser than she looks, then. I have heard of such rumors from other clans. Apparently the eluvian is shattered, but there is talk of death, however. I don’t let my hunters approach the area. Let me show you the place on the map” she said.

Loghain took out a map of the region, and she showed him.

“I am most grateful. Is there any way we can assist your clan?”

“No. Our battles are ours to fight; just as you must fight your own, alone”

“I understand”

“The sun will set in a couple of hours. Stay the night at our camp; let us share food and stories. Rest safe here and depart tomorrow” she said.

“We will be honored to accept your invitation”

The leader of the hunters led them to a spot where they should put on their tents. They did. Loghain compared the spot Lanaya had pointed on the map with the copy of the chart from the astrarium. They both led to more or less the same place. At least they wouldn’t be wandering aimlessly around that cursed forest.

At nightfall, they joined the elves near the campfire. It was awkward at the beginning. Dalish elves were naturally distrustful people, and with cause. Still, the friendly disposition of their Keeper encouraged them to be a bit more open. Nathaniel, out of the blue, sang a song, much to their surprise. He had a deep, melancholic voice that fitted the song perfectly; a beautiful and tragic love story. Marcia rested her head on Loghain’s shoulder, as she listened to the sad melody. When Nathaniel finished, some of the elves cheered, and some of them then sang some of their own songs. All of them were beautiful. Then they shared stories. At first it was all about bragging and gloating, but, with a little help from spirits, they ended up telling other kind of anecdotes, and laughing.

Once in the tent, Marcia, with her cheeks red from the liquor, asked him:

“Wanna know an embarrassing one about me and my silly brother before he became the Herald of Andraste?”

It was a tempting offer.

“Sure”

“This happened when I was nineteen or twenty years old. It was a night at the Opera Palace of Ostwick. I was invited of course, all young and pretty, well-dressed me, newest Knight-Enchanter to the Court. It turned out that my brother was there as well, with one our aunts. What began as a warm fraternal reunion soon went sour…”

Marcia explained that matters of vanity, old grudges and unresolved feuds got the best of them fast. To add insult to injury, they discovered that they both were the paramour of the same man, a young officer of noble birth and wealth... who also happened to be present. That affront was the final drop. Her pride was deeply hurt and he wouldn't stop, in her words, being a jerk about every possible thing. They got drunk, bickered and then proceeded to solve their differences. With fists.

“I won that fistfight” she boasted. “Idiot brother was never much of a fighter. I hear he isn’t much of one yet. He never had a chance. The delicate decorations of the place never had a chance either. Anyway, that was the public coming out of the closet moment for the Inquisitor. Quite the eventful night. Scandal of the season! Juicy-juicy!”

They were both banned from the Opera for months. She was reprimanded by her superiors, and she had to do penance. Only the good word of their father, Bann Trevelyan, kept the Chantry from removing her dispensation as Knight-Enchanter.

“What happened to you next?” 

“Funniest thing of all is that, after all that, I became rather popular. I started to get invitations to all high society’s events, and got several proposals from prospective lovers" she giggled "Most of them were drooling losers and, sometimes, the occasional creeps. But there I was, quite the trophy. Lots of men wanted to have a chance to tame me or something. Or maybe they liked a woman that could win the fistfights they were too pathetic to win themselves. I suppose the allure of scandal helped. I started to see one them soon after. He was the young officer’s superior, and he happened to be come from even a more powerful family. His name was Morton. He wasn’t a slobbering imbecile, at least. Score that for me. I did it out of spite, although I ended up being fond the old man. I was his concubine, for using a mild word, for years, right until months before the Rebellion broke out. Under his care and with his influence, I rose; but I also paid the price, of course. Don't get me wrong. He was a decent and respectable man, but don’t think that all that came out of the good of his heart, if you know what I mean. That was the arrangement. Still, he was good to me, and we ended up genuinely caring for each other, in a way. We never loved each other, though. Maybe one day I'll tell you more about him. He was the last benefactor I’ve ever had or needed, that I assure you”

“What became of him? Why were you separated?”

“He died in an accident, hunting a wyvern in Orlais. I told him not to go. Wyverns? Dangerous. Orlesian wyverns? Are you crazy? Big argument, blablah, he went to Orlais and never returned. Wyvern poison got the best of him. Can you believe it? Poor Morton”

She suddenly looked really sad. She really must have cared for him, as she said, in a way. He kissed her forehead.

“You always find new ways to surprise me with your stories”

“That’s what I am here for. I make terrible life choices and then I tell you all about it” she chuckled, snorting a bit. “Thank you for allowing me to let these burdens off my chest. You always listen and never pass judgement in these matters. You pass harsh judgement on literally everything else though. But that’s fine. I like it. Be harsh. Punish me. Hit me with it. Hit me with you”

Loghain wondered how many drinks she had, really. She was completely smashed. He put the light out, embrace her under the blankets and said, tenderly:

“There’s no need for you to thank me. You have become... important to me”

“Well, I'm glad to hear it" she said.

He left her sleep it off in peace, and tried to get some rest.


	25. Deep into the woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While posting this old, old work, I realized that I've never described Marcia. You know what? That's fine. Imagine your own Marcia.

They left the Dalish camp early in the morning. Marcia was trying her best, given her obvious and well-earned hangover. At some point, she uttered:

“I’m never going to drink alcohol ever again”

She took a lyrium flask and swallowed a moderate quantity.

“Fuck it” she said.

After a while, she started to look better. At noon, they arrived at the area that Keeper Lanaya had marked on the map. Loghain felt that there was corruption nearby, and so did the others. it didn’t take them much time to locate the cave. It was an unnerving place. Even the vegetation seemed to twist around the entrance.

“Can we ever go somewhere nice?” Nathaniel sighed.

Inside, they found an elven ruin, completely underground. It was infested by giant spiders and the living corpses of dead elves. They fought their way through the innermost chamber, and there they found the mirror. Twin statues guarded it, and its surface gleamed.

“It is active” Marcia said, in awe. “An active eluvian”

“But they said that it was broken” Nathaniel observed. "Strange"

“Someone or something must have repaired them then” 

“I am going to ask the important question here. What is a damned eluvian?” Oghren said.

“Magical mirrors that ancient elves allegedly used for traveling. They are connected to each other in some kind of way. It’s fascinating to be in front of one”

“One that is tainted with the Blight” Loghain said.

“Do you think it’s possible that the Architect repaired and used this one?” Nathaniel asked.

“It’s a possibility we cannot dismiss”

“So if the Architect allegedly had access to one of these mirrors… He could be anywhere”

“That’s why we must see what’s on the other side” Marcia suggested.

Loghain was having none of that.

“Absolutely not!” he said. “It is too dangerous. The mirror is a distraction. We must focus on finding the astrarium and unlocking it”

“So what do we do with it?” Oghren asked, with his hammer ready.

“We destroy it and we make sure to do it properly”

Marcia looked heartbroken. She opened her mouth like she was about to protest ardently. Loghain psychologically braced for another quarrel, but instead she took a deep breath and said:

“It is a pity. We could learn so much from it”

“I know how much you would value studying such an artifact, but it’s the right thing to do. You sure can feel it. It is spreading the Blight”

“Maybe we could find a way to purge the corruption from it…”

“We don’t have the time”

“Then I will be the one to do it” she said.

She approached the eluvian and placed her hands on it. She focused, and cast a nullification spell. There was a pulse, which shattered the mirror into hundreds of tiny pieces. Marcia turned to Loghain:

“It is not only broken; its magic is disrupted, negated. I doubt anyone can repair it, at least not in a long time”

Her eyes were sad, and looked to him for approval. Loghain caressed her cheek.

“You did well” he acknowledged. “Now, we must find the astrarium. We know it’s around here, somewhere”

“There’s one thing that doesn’t add up” said Nathaniel. “The corpses we fought. We fought them, yes, but we didn’t find the creature responsible for reanimating them. You know as well as I do that corpses don't go for a walk around without someone or something making them do so”

It was a very good point.

“Maybe it ran away through the mirror before we got to it” Marcia said. “Or maybe it’s lurking around someplace near”

Loghain pointed at the end of the chamber. The walls had given up to a tunnel that went deeper into the earth.

“Let’s see where that leads”

They didn’t have to go much further to encounter dwarven-made statues, guarding a large metal door. There were two devices, one at each side of the gate.

“No one warned us of that” Loghain uttered. "Maybe it was unearthed recently"

With help from Oghren, they turned the mechanisms. With a crack, the door opened, revealing an abandoned dwarven outpost. Not exactly the Deep Roads, but deep enough for Loghain’s comfort. There were signs of corruption everywhere, but they didn’t have any hostile encounter. He didn’t like it. Something was wrong, but he couldn’t point his finger at what.

They started to search inside the buildings, one by one. They were deserted. Well, except for the occasional remains here and there. At least they didn’t come back to life, he thought. They found nothing on the first level of the village. They followed the stairs, excavated in the stone, further down, to the middle levels. At the heart of it, they found a gate protected by a magical barrier.

“Well, either that’s what we are looking for or it’s a trap” Loghain said. “Marcia, you know what to do”

She examined the barrier with care, and then dispelled it. It seemed to go down easily. Everyone readied themselves for an attack, or a trap, but nothing happened. They entered the building and there it was. Almost like it had been waiting for them to find it, the astrarium

“Make sure that you do something about the safeguards this time” Loghain told Marcia, trying his best not to sound too severe. “Take all the time you need. We’ll keep guard and watch your back”

Marcia inspected the astrarium, and then went to one end of the chamber to the other. She went around, surveying for trouble, searching in every corner. Then a metal brazier caught her interest. She passed her hand around it and it suddenly was lit with green flames.

“Now we have green fire?” Oghren asked, not very amused.

“It’s veilfire” she said. “Don’t worry, Oghren. It’s harmless”

The veilfire revealed a hidden glyph, carved on the floor, around the astrarium. Presumably, when someone activated the astrarium, it would activate the glyph and trigger some kind of trap. Marcia left the glyph alone and kept examining the room under the magical light. She found more of them, all connected to the central glyph.

“Bad news first. If the central glyph becomes active, it will trigger a chain reaction that would activate the rest of them and, at a guess, would collapse the room on our heads. Someone doesn’t want us meddling with the astrarium”

“And the good news is?”

“I can dispel them. It will take some time. So, shall I get to work?” she asked Loghain.

“Do it”

He held his breath while she dispelled the first one. Fortunately, the ceiling didn’t come crashing down on them. She undid the rest of them, taking her time, and then, the central one.

“Well, that was easy”

Everything was quiet. Too quiet.

“Just solve the damned thing. I do not wish to linger here” he said.

Marcia put her hands on the artifact, then activated it and started to solve the puzzle. Loghain felt how unrest grew in him. He didn’t know why, but something told him that they have walked into a trap. Ever since they entered the outpost, he had felt a tainted presence, constant, but hidden. It was the fact that it hadn’t showed itself that bothered him. What if the glyphs were a distraction?

“Can't you do it faster?”

“Almost there. This is a hard one…” she replied. “There! Solved”

There was a beam of blue light, and just like the other one, a map of eastern Thedas was projected on the wall. Two done; one to go. Much to his relief, no safeguard was triggered after unlocking the astrarium this time. He took the necessary notes, and, once he was done, signaled everybody to move out.

When they left the building, they found themselves surrounded by a dozen of blighted werewolves, led by an emissary. Sometimes, Loghain hated being right. How was it possible? How come they didn’t notice their presence? Now he could clearly feel them through the taint. Much to his surprise, the darkspawn didn’t attack. Instead, the emissary took a step forward and spoke to them.

“Grey wardens. Surrender. My master wishes no harm to come upon you”

That must be one of those awakened darkspawn Oghren told them about. If it was an intelligent darkspawn, and an emissary, it was possible that it cast some kind of magic that allowed them to conceal their presence for a time. Not that any of that mattered at that moment.

“You mean the Architect?”

“My master”

“Tell us where to find him and we will leave in peace. You have my word, we won’t attack”

“Leave in peace, warden? Is it in your nature?"

Was that an invitation for a debate? A darkspawn that wanted to get all philosophical? Loghain thought he would pass, so he frowned and ignored the question.

"You will surrender yourselves unconditionally to me, and I will bring you to my master” the creature continued, with that unsettling voice.

“I am afraid I cannot trust you” Loghain shrugged his shoulders.

“You would risk a fight even when clearly outnumbered?”

“You have no idea who you are speaking to. Marcia, if you would be so kind... ” 

She started to cast the time distortion spell, but with a movement from its hand, the emissary frustrated the attempt. Marcia screamed in pain. The spell wasn’t just canceled, the energy she had put into it had backfired against her.

“The warden isn't the only one that knows how to dispel magic. I offer you one last chance to surrender.”

“So, what does everyone think?” Loghain asked.

“I’d die first” Oghren said.

“What he said” Nathaniel agreed.

“Marcia?”

“We don’t have to die if we kill them first” she said, teeth clenching and her spirit blade ready.

Loghain felt the protecting and invigorating effects of Marcia’s invisible barrier around him. Maybe she had made it more stable, somehow. The blighted werewolves attacked with rage, but Marcia erected a wall of ice that stopped their advance. That gave them time to fall back inside the building. She seemed a bit under the weather. Loghain knew that elemental magic took drained her, and feared for her. He didn’t have much time to worry, for the darkspawn carved a narrow way through the ice wall. Nathaniel shot dead several of them when they tried to reach them through the crack in the wall. The ice eventually gave up, but by then, their numbers were greatly hindered. Oghren and Loghain fought the remaining darkspawn at close quarters, while Nathaniel provided for cover fire when needed. Marcia was busy blocking the emissary’s ranged magical attacks with her spirit blade, with a little help from her barriers and shields, and keeping the group safe from them. At some point, Loghain saw her disappear into thin air. When she finally reappeared, some seconds after, her spirit blade had pierced through the emissary’s chest. The creature fell, lifeless, to the ground. With the last of her strength, she spat on its corpse.

“Dispel that...”


	26. A visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss Origins Teagan. Bioware, give us the *real* Bannhammer back.

A few days later, they were back at Vigil’s Keep. There was much to plan ahead. Now, they knew that the Architect was still alive, and that somehow, it knew of their presence. If they were going to investigate the last of the map’s locations, they needed to prepare thoroughly. They couldn’t afford to fall into another trap, like the one at the Brecilian Forest. As much as he wanted to pursue the investigation as soon as possible, Loghain knew that they needed to catch their breath first. They couldn’t take the expedition into Kirkwall’s thaig lightly, or they would put their own lives at risk.

A couple of days passed before they received a visit Loghain would never have expected. Protected by a retinue of soldiers, Arl Teagan made an appearance. He received him at the courtyard.

“I am here unofficially” he told him. “Our King wishes to establish a channel for his under-the-table cooperation with the wardens. Since his Majesty cannot be seen conjoining with you and doesn’t trust this matter to just anyone, the duty has fallen on my shoulders. As usual. So, from now on, any communication that might need to be established, goes through me”

“Do you have any problem with me personally?” Loghain asked.

Teagan gave him a long look.

“No" he eventually replied. "We were allies once; then we found ourselves at opposing sides of the civil war. Now it’s time for pragmatism. I am sure you will do well by your homeland”

Well, that was unexpectedly sensible. Loghain gave him a tour of the fort, and pointed out their most pressing needs. Teagan took note, and said that he will make the necessary arrangements at once. At some point, they crossed paths with Marcia. She bluntly stopped, and Teagan and her stared at each other, awkwardly. None of them said a word about it. Marcia excused herself, and went on her way.

“So I’m assuming that’s the Trevelyan" he made a pause "The one you took as your lover”

The gossip about them had spread fast, as expected. Anything to do about him did, but that case was special. The age-gap between them was regarded as scandalous, indecent, and her family name, linking her to the Inquisitor, had fueled it. Of course, no one had dared to say a word about that to his face, until now.

“We are not hiding it from anyone” Loghain said. “And I fail to see how that’s of any relevance”

“Forgive me. I didn’t mean to pry. Now, to the matter at hand…”

The Crown sent a substantial amount of gold and an official document that formally ratified the right of the Fereldan branch of the Wardens over Vigil’s Keep and the Arling of Amaranthine.

“The original documents of concession were lost at the siege, years ago. This document I'm giving you is more than a formality. It is a safety and a sign of good faith” Teagan said. “Now, I’m afraid I must depart for Highever at once. My work never ends…”

That night, when he was finally alone with Marcia, he remembered how she and Teagan had stared at each other, and couldn't help himself.

“What happened at the courtyard?” he asked, cautiously.

She raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean with Teagan. You two know each other?”

“We’ve met before, yes” she replied, evasive.

“Why not greet him in a normal manner then?”

“Why didn’t he greet _me_ in a normal manner?” she asked back.

Good point.

“You tell me” he said. Then, using a softer tone of voice, he added “I am just curious, that’s all”

“Well, I met him some years ago in Markham, at a party I had attended with Morton. You remember I told you about him, right?”

He nodded. Her benefactor, yes.

“You met him at a party? What’s the problem?”

She blushed and looked at the floor.

“It wasn’t the kind of party you want to bring your family along with you to. Or yes, if you are into that”

Oh. That kind of party.

“Teagan? Really?” he said. "I mean... Teagan?"

“He was… quite popular. The Bannhammer, was what, uh, they called him. The ladies. Because of… you know why”

Loghain could imagine the reason indeed. And that was a particular mental image he could have lived without.

“You called him that as well?”

“Ah, of course. You want to know if I bedded him" she frowned. "Well, the answer is no. One of my obligations to Morton was to be faithful to him. And I was. Not because it was required but because, even if I didn’t love him, I had respect for him and for myself”

“So why were you both at that party and why all the secrecy?”

“We attended because we were invited and we didn’t know what kind of party it truly was. We only knew that it was a very exclusive gathering. I assure you; we never suspected something like that from the host. He had quite the pious reputation. He still has”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. The invitations don’t have the word _orgy_ written all over it, Loghain”

“Point taken”

“At the beginning everything seemed normal, you know? We had dinner, danced, and got to meet the other guests. That’s when met. He was handsome, and charming. We spoke for a while. Then, well, the gathering turned into something quite different. Morton and I managed to sneak out before things got out of hand, fortunately. Of course, Teagan would probably think that we just got lost with the crowd and participated just like everyone else. Why wouldn’t he? I crossed paths a couple of times after that, in normal social situations, and exchanged a couple of words then, but nothing further. So, did I feel awkward today? Of course. Every time I see him, something in my brain screams _Bannhammer!_ And he behaved like that because I _know_ and he believes he knows something as juicy as that about me. Even if it’s not completely true, but truth doesn't matter. And that is how gossip is made”

“Bannhammer” murmured Loghain, and chuckled. He was horrified but amused at the same time.

“I know, it’s idiotic, but it has a ring to it”

He sat by the bed.

“Tell me more of your relationship with your benefactor”

“You really want me to tell you about that? Why?” she asked.

“You said that you ended up being fond of him, and that you respected him. It certainly looks like you had a deeper relationship than one of a mere… concubine”

“Worried he still has a special place in my hear?” she teased.

“Not in the slightest” he said. As far as he was concerned, she could be as fond of him or of anyone else as she pleased. He, more than anyone, knew that a heart could hold more than one affection at the same time, and that affections came in very different forms.

“He was a general. He was way older than me, but he had something fetching about him nonetheless. He was a bachelor, quite a strange feat at his age. Rumor went that he had his heart broken at a very young age, and never married. His demeanor was grave and distant, and had rejected the advances of many women, repeatedly. There were always some of them swarming around him, trying their luck" she made a pause. "I never quite knew what drove him to send me that letter. Maybe he did it for his own amusement. Of course, I was scornful about what had happened with my latest lover, and too curious and flattered about his proposal, so I took the bait. I jumped right in, no safeguards. Soon, I learned what my fate would be. To him, I was more of an expensive commodity than anything else, not a person. In public, he would make me look pretty and put me on display. I was just another symbol of his status. Picture the wild young Knight-Enchanter of noble origin, on a leash of silks and brocades. I caused quite the effect on parties, that I assure you. I felt like a well-trained caged animal”

“And how did he treat you in private?"

“In private... Well, at first he encouraged my wild young side. Let’s not talk about that. I don't bed and tell”

“As you wish. I imagine you found a way to change things, right?”

“Indeed. I couldn’t be his new shiny toy forever; I needed to win him over if I wanted security. And believe me, I did. Things changed, gradually. He was a man of culture and a patron of the arts, a rare feat among men of his vocation. That's how I played my cards. I showed him that I was more than a pretty pet. We conversed and shared interests, and we found a new connection. Suddenly, I wasn’t just a charming commodity anymore; my position became rather dignified, as long as I followed his rules, of course. The more he opened up to me, the less erotic our relationship became; and bit by bit his true character and needs became clear as day to me. He was just lonely, and craved for companionship; true companionship. And I gave him what he needed. Had I been a man, we may have been friends, as equals. We still had sex every now and then, of course. He was good to me and I gave him what he wanted; but we never shared _love_. We both knew it, but we were content. We took care of each other for about six years. And then he went wyvern hunting…” she shook her head “What a waste. After his unfortunate death I retired from social life completely and strengthened my links deeply damaged links to the Chantry. They embraced me, I, the repentant sinner returning to the faith. I made for quite an example. I served among Ostwick’s Chantry military branch until the Rebellion. You know the story then. I remained loyal, but the Knight-Commander returned me to my family after a while and then I joined the Inquisition, got sick with the Blight, and met you. It all turned out for the better”

Loghain took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

“I'm glad you told me”

“Are you? It’s a bit embarrassing for me, actually”

“Well, there’s nothing to be ashamed of” he said.

“You just say that to get me in your bed, ser” she teased.

“Oh, I don’t need to do that to get you there” he smirked.

She curled up around him, and put her head on his lap. He caressed her hair, reflecting upon everything she had told him, in that moment and before that. Inevitably, he wondered what he was to her. He wasn’t a benefactor. She didn’t need one nor had anything to gain; but some of the characteristics of her relationship with Morton were similar parallel to their own bond. Their relationship wasn’t too  _carnal_ either. Yes, sometimes it would get quite physical; but what she truly enjoyed was their games of control and that didn’t need to lead to sex every time. He didn’t mind that; on the contrary, he liked it that way too. She loved cuddling, as well, and little sweet affections and attentions they shared. It wasn’t romantic like stories people put in ballads, but their connection was deep, and loving. There was the element of respect, of knowing and caring for each other, of companionship, and that had come before anything else; it was the real foundation of their relationship. He suddenly felt confused and insecure. 

“So…” he said “Am I just like the general; another tired, old soldier you took pity on?”

Her eyes opened wide, baffled by the question.

“Do you really have to ask?” she softly said.

“Just answer that”

“Of course not! How can you have any doubts? This is different. I…” she paused to breath, and her face went red “I… fell for you that night I was scared about Broodmothers and you held my hand in the dark. I have ached for you ever since. Andraste preserve me, saying it aloud makes me feel like a silly little girl. But it’s said, and it will remain so. Oh Maker, I’m so foolish…”

She covered her red face with her hands, nervous. He took away her hands, and caressed her lips.

“Why are you so anxious now?”

“I don’t know!”

“I want you by my side, Marcia. I don’t care about anything else” he said.

She wept.

“I don’t feel worthy…” she mumbled.

He embraced her.

“Now you’re acting silly. Your past is not the debauchery and depravity, no matter what you tell yourself or what the Chantry would want you to believe. Even if it was, I’d feel just the same. Stop chastising yourself” he kissed her and added “Disciplining you is my prerogative, remember?”

She shivered and giggled between tears. He put her to bed and didn’t let go of her until she was sleeping, peacefully.


	27. Kirkwall

The first part of the journey was finally over. They arrived in Kirkwall at noon. The ship landed directly on the Docks district. Loghain overheard some of the sailors mentioning that the Gallows were under quarantine by Inquisition soldiers. Apparently, they were coordinating their efforts with Starkhaven; whose prince, Sebastian Vael, sought to restore Kirkwall. Loghain hoped that he hadn’t come to the city himself. The last thing he wanted was to look at Hawke’s widow in the eye. He remembered how she called his name before throwing herself to the Nightmare. In her last moments, she gathered strength from his memory and begged for his forgiveness. Again, he thought that it should have been him; and wondered which name he would call when his time came. So many came to his mind. Maric? Rowan? Anora? Could it possibly be Marcia too?

They stayed at the Hanged Man, in Lowtown, the most infamous tavern in the city.

“This is a dump” Marcia said, as soon as they set a foot inside.

Loghain agreed, but something in him wanted to spend the night there. In memory of Hawke, who was a regular. It’s was pure sentimentality, but he indulged in it. He knew that many Fereldan workers lived in the district, so he kept his head covered with a hood, even inside the tavern. Once in the room, Loghain removed it. Then, they discussed their plan. The idea was to reach the primeval thaig Hawke had found years ago, the thaig were red lyrium was discovered They suspected that, if red lyrium was tainted lyrium, the Architect may have caused it, or had something to do with it. It was just so much of a coincidence, that the map marked a spot in that sector of the Deep Roads. The implications of that possibility were too troubling to just ignore them.

“I believe it would be wise to hire some mercenaries to go with us” Nathaniel said.

“Do you know of anyone reliable in this city?”

“Not exactly _reliable_ , but professional and won’t ask questions. I’ve had dealings with his company before”

“See to it. Let’s put King Alistair’s gold to good use” Loghain said.

Nathaniel left, accompanied by Oghren, while Marcia and Loghain waited at their room. Well, the word, Loghain thought, would be more like hiding in their room. He wasn’t hiding from anyone in particular, but from Kirkwall itself because its Champion wasn’t there. He was there instead. Marcia took his hand. She knew. They helped each other remove their respective pieces of armor in order to be more comfortable, and just sat quietly.

After a while, a great commotion and heavy steps were heard on the hall outside the room. A young man, wearing the Grey Warden’s colors, kicked the door open. He ran to Loghain and punched him in the stomach. Loghain didn’t move and took the blow, stoically.

“You must be Carver” he simply said.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Marcia reaching for her weapon, but he made her stop with a slight gesture. Carver landed another punch, this time, to his face; and then another, and then again, to his stomach. Loghain lost balance and fell back. Marcia caught him.

“Are you satisfied?” she yelled at him.

Loghain coughed, and noticed blood on his hands. Carver unsheathed his blade, and Marcia got ready to defend him.

“Don’t hurt him, Marcia” he uttered.

“Carver, enough!”

The words were said by an intimidating redheaded woman. She was wearing a uniform like the guardsmen, but some of its details denoted a much higher rank.

“You of all people are telling me to stop, Aveline?” he asked.

“I said enough! It won’t bring your sister back”

She sounded Fereldan. Carver seemed to doubt, then left out a curse and went away. Marcia turned to the woman called Aveline.

“Thank you”

“I would be a poor excuse of a Guard Captain if I hadn’t stopped him. I did it for my own honor, not for him” she said, pointing a finger at Loghain. Then she spoke directly to him, with contempt “I was at Ostagar, an officer in King Cailan’s army. I was down there, in the fray, and I saw what you did”

Loghain kept silent, and held her gaze. If she was expecting any words from him, she was in for a disappointment. 

“Your presence can bring so much unrest. I want you out of _my_ city by sunrise” she said, as she left.

Marcia closed the door, and then she tended to Loghain. She removed his upper clothes and made him lay on the bed. She cast a healing spell, slowly rubbing her hands on his ailing body. Then she helped him put a shirt on.

“Wasn’t that a bit too much?” he asked, about the spell.

“He hit you pretty hard, and you weren’t wearing armor”

“I can take a punch, Marcia” he said. Then, he closed his eyes and shook his head. “I wish you hadn’t seen it”

“I wish I could understand what I’ve just seen”

“Carver is Hawke’s little brother. Varric obviously informed him of what happened. He blames me, and I don’t fault him. As for the Guard Captain, I haven’t seen her before in my life, but her words were self-explanatory”

He sighed and tried to rise from the bed, but Marcia stopped him.

“Rest”

“I am just so tired of it all. There’s always someone that believes that has a right to a personal apology. There’s always someone that points the finger and says the words: traitor, usurper, shame. You name it. It’s so original, really; like I have to be reminded of it every single time. You would think that after fighting the Archdemon and giving my blood as warden for a decade, protecting all these souls that wonder around sleepwalking through their lives while the real danger lurks under the very ground they step on, I would have earned some mercy. Nothing further than the truth. I am just some kind of monster that just refuses to die and that destroys everything he touches. A villain that doesn’t deserve the luck he had; the _privilege_ of spending his entire _life_ repenting and sacrificing himself, fighting darkspawn until the day he dies”

Marcia tried to comfort him, embracing him.

“And then there are the ones that don’t agree. They’re few, but sometimes I encounter them too. They cling to idealized versions of me, all the men I couldn’t be. The Hero of the River Dane. The brilliant commander. A story tragic and misunderstood, like if I was someone that came out of a sad song. It is nice of them, and it even warms my heart a little, but I'm becoming rather tired of that as well”

He looked at her.

“I just want to be _me_ ” he said. “Just like you, against all odds and against your magic, want to be yourself above everything else. But the world keeps getting in the way, reminding us of the things we wish to run from; reminding us the persons we used to be. And these persons do not belong to us entirely, but the others. They stole our stories from us”

He kissed her hand.

“What I am trying to say is… I just want a way out of everything. I wish I could just take your hand, and travel far. Live a peaceful life together in some backwater province of a nation I’ve never been to, where nobody gives a fuck about Loghain Mac Tir. If I could do that, I would leave everything and everyone else behind. Fuck it all”

The sincerity of his own words surprised him. He told himself he was a fool for wanting that.

“With your sense of duty, you could never pull that off” she said.

“I know. I just wish I could. Oh. Listen to me rambling and complaining, like a grumpy old man”

“Well, you kind of are one”

Loghain smirked.

“I must be, since I am your type…” he teased her, and kissed her lips.

“Would you like to share a prayer for Hawke?” she asked him, after a while.

He said yes, although he was not the praying sort. Marcia kneeled beside the bed, took his hands, and closed her eyes, with her head bowed. He closed his eyes as well, still resting on the bed. She whispered a prayer and he followed.

Suddenly, Oghren opened the door and walked right in.

“All right lovebirds, cover yourselves!”

Then he noticed the bloodied cloths and the both of them praying.

“Shit, that’s disappointing. What happened?”

“Just some admirers” said Loghain, sarcastically. “They can get a bit carried away”

Nathaniel entered the room soon after.

“Seriously, is it against the laws of this city to just knock on the door?” Marcia asked, annoyed.

“So I guess you met Carver Hawke?”

“Everyone’s so observant today…” Loghain murmured. “You found the mercenaries?”

“I did but… Nobody wants to work with wardens, at least not the reliable ones; and we don’t want the desperate. Rumors of corruption and what happened at Adamant have traveled fast, I’m afraid. Also, word of your presence in the city has spread and, no offense, it doesn’t help us”

He should have expected as much.

“Thank you for trying anyway. Dismissed, the both of you”

Once they left, he closed his eyes and exhaled.

“Maker, grant me patience…”


	28. Into the thaig

The Deep Roads. The _real_ Deep Roads. Loghain sighed. Seen one part, seen them all. He knew that it wasn’t true, but still thought it.

“Nathaniel, I put my entire trust in you. Lead the way”

They followed him. It wasn’t long until they were attacked by a group of darkspawn. Hurlocks and genlocks, nothing out of the ordinary. They dispatched them, and pressed on. They walked for many hours. Sometimes they would encounter an inactive golem. Even dormant as they were, their presence was imposing, threatening even. Marcia marveled at the raw lyrium formations, veins glowing blue twisted around the stone, like branches. About darkspawn, they ran into another couple of small bands. They kept walking for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, Nathaniel led them to a chamber with what looked like a ceremonial altar in its center.

“According to Carver Hawke’s account, the red lyrium idol was found here”

There was nothing in the room that suggested any recent use. It was empty, and Loghain felt discouraged. He had thought they would encounter something, anything, there.

“Further on, if we follow that opening in the walls, lays the Primeval Thaig” Nathaniel said.

Raw red lyrium formations and other abominations awaited there, for what Loghain knew. He didn’t want to go and see for himself, but he knew that they must find the astrarium. It was going to be dangerous. Loghain looked at his team. They tried to mask it, but they were tired, and so was he. He didn’t sense any darkspawn nearby, and Marcia could secure the entrance with a frost glyph, just in case.

“We’ll stop here and rest. We’ll need to get some sleep. Maker knows what we’ll find down there”

They placed their sleeping sacks on the floor, around a small campfire. Marcia placed hers next to his, and, once inside, searched for his warmth. He pulled her close to him. The closest the sleeping sacks allowed for, of course, and held her close.

They napped for hours, and then continued their journey. The blue lyrium veins turned into red. It was physically unsettling just to be around those tainted formations.

“So that’s what happens when the Blight corrupts lyrium. I’ve never seen it before” said Marcia. “All those poor Templars, exposed to this. The thought of it makes me sick, the thought of…”

Loghain silently held her hand, and kept walking at her side.

“At least there’s no darkspawn down here” Nathaniel said, making great effort in being optimistic. 

It was true. These tunnels were empty of them.

“Somehow, the thought that they don’t come here isn’t a reassuring one” Loghain murmured.

As soon as they entered the next chamber, a band of shades, led by a despair demon, attacked them. Demons. Of course it had to be demons. The shades were annoying, but not too intelligent and therefore, could be dealt with if they attacked them in swift and coordinated manner. The presence of a despair demon made the fight more difficult, though. It was a fast and clever creature, and could command barriers and frost magic, which used to enhance the shades. Needless to say, Marcia’s last resort move, her own frost spells, was rather useless against it. It was trying, but thanks to her defensive and enhancing barriers, they resisted the attacks and they started gaining ground, bit by bit. Once they dispatched most of the shades, she cast that wonderful time-slowing spell, so they would have an opportunity to get to the despair demon. Even with that, it managed to escape a couple of times, for Marcia could only keep up that spell for a while. Eventually, they got to it, ending the fight.

“They weren’t hosts, possessing a body. Someone summoned those” she said.

“So someone is waiting for us here as well” Oghren said.

“It could be the same someone that raised the dead against us in the Brecilian ruins, and left through the mirror” Loghain added. “It would be only logical that if, knowing of our presence, that someone would have prepared safeguards against us in case we came here. It is consistent”

“My thoughts exactly” she said. “That means we are on the right path”

They exchanged a warm smile, and Loghain couldn’t help it and kissed her forehead. He just liked when she displayed such kind of reasoning, a reasoning that mirrored his own. And she did that often.

“Get a room you two” Oghren said. “The thought of someone that raises demons and the dead stalking us is a cause for concern, not the time to be all soft on each other. Weirdos”

Of course, he was right. They kept walking, and Loghain started to feel a faint presence. Darkspawn or otherwise, a tainted creature was ahead. The question was where. They followed twisted caverns and reached, once more, dwarven roads. The presence was still there, stronger. He grew anxious, expecting an attack at every corner, but each time, there was nothing. Maybe they were being hunted by another emissary. He couldn’t say that he was looking forward to encounter another one. Even if he didn’t like it, he guided the group to the direction of the presence, though. It was the only lead available. They arrived at a chamber that had no apparent exit. 

“Here, behind that wall” he pointed. “There must be a way to go through it. Marcia?”

She tried to find anything, but wasn’t successful. She shook her head.

“It is not magic” she said.

Loghain couldn’t believe that they’ve come so far only to be, literally, facing a wall.

“Maybe using one of Dworkin’s explosive runes?” Oghren suggested.

“I don’t think it’s safe” Loghain said. “This part of the thaig is just too ancient, too intertwined with the stone. We cannot risk an avalanche over our heads. Maybe we could find a way around it, locate another suitable spot for a small detonation…”

Nathaniel, who had been examining the wall as well, said:

“It’s a hidden locking mechanism. There’s a keyhole here, well disguised behind one of the smaller stone bricks…”

“But we don’t have the key”

“We may not need one”

Nathaniel took out a set of lockpicks and other small tools. So much for being a noble squire, Loghain thought, but didn’t make any remarks aloud. Nathaniel tampered with the lock for a while, until a clicking sound was heard and one of the stone slabs receded, opening a way forward.

"Impressive work" he complimented him.

There was a small hallway that led to a strange area.

“What is this place?” Oghren uttered.

It looked like a laboratory, built to study red lyrium, and there it was, the final astrarium. The final piece, just ahead of them. At the end of the chamber, another active eluvian glowed, mysterious and menacing. The presence was clearly in that laboratory, but hadn’t showed itself yet. Suddenly, twisted roots and twigs emerged from the ground. Soon after, an elven woman seemed to grew from them. She was the tainted presence they’ve been feeling all along. Her face was covered by vallaslin tattoos, her staff crooked, and her green tunic was ragged. There was something wild and utterly dangerous about her.

“It can’t be” Nathaniel gasped. “Velanna!”


	29. The lost elf

The Dalish woman didn’t attack at first, but looked ready to do so at any given moment.

“So you are the ones that destroyed _my_ eluvian at the Brecilian Forest” she said. “The disrespect _shemlen_ show towards anything that they don’t understand is endless. Disgusting”

“You died! The soldiers at the Keep saw a boulder burying you!” Nathaniel cried.

“Yes, that's what they saw. But they never found the body. I was defending the Keep you turned your back on so you could play the hero saving the city of Amaranthine, in order to secure the Warden’s image. You left us to die there, but we held the siege, for days, for an eternity. Sigrun died. She was a fine young woman. Many soldiers died. Your own soldiers! You abandoned us”

“It was the darkspawn that killed them! We remained in Amaranthine because the common folk there didn’t have a chance without us. You were safer in the Keep than we were in the city” Nathaniel replied.

“You tell yourself that, just as you tell yourself the order is apolitical; but it was nothing but a political move, to further your power on the region”

Loghain was sure that they were making very interesting points, but it wasn't hardly the time for that.

“So you’re the one that raised the dead against us? The corpses of your own kind? And then summoned those demons?” Loghain intervened.

“Indeed. I only did what was necessary to stop you. Even if none of that stopped you, it slowed you down. But I didn't simply do that. Who do you think led the awakened emissary to you? Put all these safeguards and traps around the astrariums? It was all my doing. Since it all failed, I will deal with you myself?

“Why would you do that?” asked Loghain. “Why fight us? You are, or were, a grey warden. Why oppose us?”

She frowned.

“A grey warden! What does that really mean? An order of zealots, which fills its ranks with traitors and criminals of the worst kind? A dying, pitiful organization that has the audacity to name itself the only heroes that can end Blights? The order never thinks about the consequences of its actions until it is too late. What will happen, I wonder, when you have killed all the Old Gods? What if there is another way to prevent the Blights? You don’t care, you just go on, crushing everything under your boot, above all law, above all authority. You have grabbed power, and cling to it, any means necessary. That’s your true goal”

“Another way to prevent Blights? What are you talking about?” Nathaniel asked.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about. You were there with Surana. And you too, dwarf. You have known the truth all this time. I had no way of knowing back then, but he showed it to me. The Architect has shown me that there’s another way, another world, were Grey Wardens nor bloodshed are not needed anymore. Now you come back and try to find a way to destroy him and his work, for he’s bound to prove your pathetic order useless”

“What about your sister, Velanna?" Nathaniel insisted "He took her and experimented on her! How can you follow him?”

“Do not speak of Seranni!" she yelled. "She’s safe. The Architect saved her and gave her purpose. He’s a tender guide, not a monster, and his cause is noble. He is in the right.”

“I don’t recognize you” Nathaniel uttered, in horror. “But we don’t wish the Architect any harm. We just wish to speak to him. We just wish to understand”

She seemed to doubt, for a moment, but then with resolve, she shook her head.

“Lies! Your agreement with him was to leave him to his studies. Surana gave her word. Now you return. When given the chance to surrender peacefully, you spilled blood instead. It wasn’t just some darkspawn. She was an individual, free from the calling of the old gods, with the capacity to will, to choose, to think and act. And you murdered her”

She took a dagger and made a cut through one of her palms. She held her staff, fueling it with the power of her blood, and launched a fireball at them. Marcia reacted just in time to protect them. Velanna was shocked by the sight of Marcia’s spirit blade.

“So you are a mage” she said, and added, with contempt “You are using magic stolen from my people, ignorant _shem_ filth. Your blade is but an offensive and ludicrous attempt to emulate our arcane warriors. How dare you?”

Loghain remembered reading something about arcane warriors on Marcia’s journal. So that’s what she had been researching, the ancient roots of her technique. Velanna was wrong. She wasn’t stealing; she was trying to prove that the magic belonged to them originally. She wanted to restore the truth.

“And you show me your purity and superiority by resorting to blood magic?” Marcia replied “I am so very impressed, really”

“Bitch!”

Velanna summoned creeping roots and twigs on their feet. They immobilized them quickly, twisting like snakes around them. Loghain wondered why Marcia provoked her. She could have tried to reason with her, given her extensive knowledge of ancient elven lore. Well, there was no use wondering about that in their current situation. The twigs turned into braches, and they started to develop thorns. What was Marcia waiting for?

“Do something!” he cried.

Marcia waited. Loghain felt some of the thorns starting to pierce trough his arms and legs. Then he felt the pulse and the expanding wave of Marcia’s nullification spell. The wooden formations withered, and Velanna fell back, hurt.

“Sorry. The more she invested in her spell, the more it would hurt her” she explained.

Velanna got back on her feet fast, and launched another fireball. It was stopped just like the other. She started to look tired. She summoned a wall of fire to keep them away from her while she took the dagger once more, and tried to make another cut for more blood. She didn’t have the opportunity. One of Nathaniel’s arrows hit her in the arm, immobilizing it. The dagger fell to the ground. She kept holding her staff with the other hand, and made the wall of fire stronger. The wall started then to moved towards them, circling around them. Marcia took her lyrium flask and quickly drank from it. Then she summoned a surge of cold around them, so strong that put the flames out, but also drained her. Oghren covered her while she recovered. Velanna was worse than her, though, and tried to make a run for the eluvian. Nathaniel fired another arrow that landed on one of her legs. It was a bad wound. She kept walking. He shot her again, and pierced through her flank.

“Velanna, please stop” Nathaniel said “I don’t want to kill you”

He readied himself for another shot, but Loghain stated his hand.

“Leave her. Her wounds are severe enough”

She approached the mirror and said some words he didn’t understand. The mirror glowed and she disappeared through it. Nathaniel run to it, but when he tried to walk through it, he couldn’t. It was closed.

“She got away!”

Marcia, who had recovered some of her strength, said:

“Not exactly”

She walked towards the eluvian and laughed.

“She was so convinced I was an ignorant _shem_ bitch that she said the keyword to unlock it too loud. Serves her right. _Elgar’nan enansal_ ” she said.

The eluvian glowed. The way was open.


	30. The path ahead

Loghain knew that his team was eager to go through the mirror in pursuit of Velanna. Nathaniel and Oghren wanted to go because they knew her personally. Marcia, he thought, probably wanted to follow her because she had insulted her and insinuated that her magic was drivel. And well, Loghain wanted to get things done so he could go back to Vigil's Keep and have some rest.

“Let us stop and plan carefully what we are doing next” he said. “We cannot afford to be rash now”

“Easy! We have to go through that thing!” Oghren exclaimed. “We drag her with us and make her explain everything. Then we judge her”

“I agree. We should pursue. It’s very likely that she crossed to the Architect’s lair” Nathaniel said. “We have no way of knowing for how long this eluvian will stay open”

“What they said” she simply stated.

“Just let me remind all of you how dangerous this Architect is. He can accelerate the taint in us, making it consume us fast. That way, he can virtually steal our life time. Once we cross the threshold, if he judges that we are a threat, what would stop him from using such power on us? Are we going to risk that on impulse?” he asked “There’s another possibility. What if Velanna is leading us to one final trap? She resorted to blood magic time and again. She’s desperate and badly injured, possibly deadly injured, but could still be dangerous, like a cornered animal. And then there’s that” he turned and pointed at the astrarium “we haven’t unlocked that one yet. That’s what we came from in the first place”

“We can do that later, when we come back” Oghren replied.

“What makes you think there’s coming back?” Loghain asked.

There was a sudden moment of silence.

“We cannot do both things. Undoing whatever safeguards that protect the astrarium and solving it will take time, a time that can be crucial if we are to enter the eluvian” he said. “We have to choose”

The three of them agreed that they should go through the mirror; but also seemed hesitant about leaving the astrarium unsolved. They agreed to nothing, then.

“Then there’s another way. I am going in. Alone” Loghain said. “You stay here and solve that thing”

He took his badge of rank, a silverite gryphon, and placed it on Nathaniel’s hands.

“If I don’t come back in two days, assume that I am dead. In that scenario, someone needs to lead the wardens and continue our work. Nathaniel, you are the one to do so. I can think of no better person”

“Sure it won’t come to that…” he replied. “It will be my honor”

“Save your hysterics, bosom buddy. I’m going in and I don't care what you say” Oghren said. 

“Hush, Oghren. You have a son and a wife that are waiting for you. Don’t be heroic, be there for them. I assure you, I know the consequences of not being around, and you don’t want them”

Oghren grunted, but didn’t protest further. Loghain then turned to Marcia. She was weeping in silence.

“Please don’t do this. Don’t leave me behind” she begged. “Please, don’t let this happen to me again. Not again…”

Loghain kept a straight face, but it pained him as much as it hurt her.

“You are still so young, with so much life ahead. I cannot let you take this risk”

“What life? Waiting for the Calling and battling darkspawn until the day I die? Alone? That’s hardly a life at all”

Loghain embraced her and kissed her with fervor. He didn’t mind being in front of the rest of the team.

“Pray for me. And obey” he said, softly cleaning her tears.

She nodded, heartbroken, unable to say any word.

“Come, kid” Oghren, kindly. “I know it hurts…”

Loghain couldn’t look back. If he did, he knew he would beg Marcia to forgive him, and allow her to come with him, and he couldn’t do that. Just before entering the eluvian, he heard a great clamor behind him, and Oghren’s laugher and cheers. He turned on his feet to see what had happened. Marcia had summoned a large ice behind her, which divided the room in two sides. On one side, Nathaniel and Oghren were left with the astrarium and the way out. She stood on the other side, with Loghain and the eluvian. One lyrium flask lied empty on her hands.

“Are you out of your mind?” Loghain cried. “Shatter it and get out. Immediately”

Marcia approached him, with a furious stare, and slapped him.

“I am not your slave! Don’t think you can order me around against my will. I obey because I choose to, and now I am choosing to go with you, and you don’t get a say in the matter” she roared. After a pause, she added “And you better not have broken up with me back there!”

Loghain felt his own cheeks blushing red. He knew that nothing he could say would change her mind. He didn’t complain or try to talk her out of it. He was secretly glad she had done that, so he just waived. They walked through the eluvian close to each other.

The mirror led to a very different kind of chamber. It was a library, built like a labyrinth. Marcia stated that it was an ancient Tevinter ruin, very well preserved. She couldn’t help but marvel at the hundreds of tomes, which piled up to the ceiling. Loghain was more interested in following the blood on the floor. The crimson trail headed to a space enclosed between bookshelves. Velanna was lying there, deadly wounded, in the arms of another elven woman who Loghain guessed was her sister Seranni. She was blighted, but it looked like the taint didn’t affect her. She should be a ghoul, but she wasn’t. Velanna just looked at them, but said nothing. Loghain and Marcia just turned back, leaving them alone, in peace. It wasn’t their place to intrude in their goodbyes.

They went back to the center of the room, and kept searching.

“Are you here to kill me?”

A darkspawn emissary that looked like no other Loghain had encountered before, stepped out of the shadows. His voice was calm, agreeable and gentle even; his demeanor, diplomatic. A mask of golden filigree covered his eyes, and his tunic was adorned in the same manner.

“You’re the Architect” Loghain said.

“Yes”

And then Marcia spoke, trembling.

“The High Priest of Beauty, Architect of the Works of Beauty? As stated in the Chant of Light? _I shall give you designs that shall rival the greatness of heaven. I will make you First among the new gods, and you will build a paradise on earth_ ” Marcia recited, fascinated and terrified. “You are one of the six magisters that assaulted the Golden City? The High Priest of Urthemiel!"  


The Architect stared at her, as if he didn't understand.

“Inconsequential. I don’t have any memories of that. Even if I was whom you speak of, I am that being no more. I am simply the Architect. And you are grey wardens. Have you come here to finish what your commander allowed to continue, many years ago? You seek vengeance, maybe?”

“No. We come in peace”

“Wardens’ peace is a most curious one”

“We were attacked first” Loghain said. “We just seek answers”

It was true, but only a half truth. If the Architect’s research proved useless for finding a cure for the taint or to actually benefit their efforts, Loghain planned to end him as retribution for the Fifth Blight. He hadn’t forgotten that he had started it, by his failed attempt to awaken the Old God Urthemiel. He hadn’t forgotten the horrors that he had seen during that time either, and everything he had personally lost because of that; his name, his whole life. He was making it personal, but at that point, everything was personal, and he didn’t care. Still, he didn’t want to be reckless. He wanted to give the Architect a chance to explain himself, to demonstrate the progress he had made in almost a decade of study. He didn’t want to murder a creature so unique such as him, but Maker helped Loghain, he would if he wasn’t satisfied with his answers. 

“You have questions. You always have questions. Ask them, now it’s the time” the Architect said.

“I want to know where the astrariums lead”

“Here, to this very library. That’s how I discovered this place”

“Did you create the red lyrium? We’ve seen your laboratory in the Free Marches, conveniently placed in the same thaig where it was discovered”

“No. The spreading of the taint to lyrium is a terrible accident, but not one of responsibility. I just study it. Like you, I am just trying to understand”

Loghain wasn’t completely satisfied, but he wished to believe him. Believing the contrary would have implications he didn’t want to face, not in that moment. One of them, for example, would be that Surana would ultimately to responsible for that, for allowing the Architect to live. So he chose to believe his words. 

“What is your goal, exactly? Some reports affirm that you once tried to extend the Blight to every living being; still, Surana let you live. I can’t believe she would have done so if that was still your purpose”

“It is true that long ago I sought to taint everyone. I was… confused. Tainting them and then awakening them, I believed that it was the only solution to bring peace between our kinds. I have changed my ways long ago. I do not seek to share this corruption. My goal remains the same as when I encountered your leader. I wish to awaken as many of my kind as I can. When they stop hearing the calling, they stop being controlled. Most of them choose a life of peace. I have been successful in that”

“Still, the Deep Roads are filled with as much violent, mindless darkspawn, as ever”

“It is not an easy task. I need much time, and a precious, rare ingredient. The blood of wardens”

Marcia frowned, but said nothing.

“Your companion doesn’t like what she hears, but she herself drank the blood of my kind to become what she is now”

“Some of us don’t have any choice” she said.

“Well, think about my kind. None of us have a choice; we are brought into this world as slaves, with only the compulsion to obey the song, to follow the calling of the Old Gods” the Architect replied. “Is it wrong to try to change that?”

She didn’t reply. Loghain knew that she approved of that.

“Surana was convinced you held the key to freeing wardens from the taint” Loghain said.

“Indeed, and I suspect that’s the only reason why she allowed me to live. Is it why you are truly here?”

“Yes”

“It happened before, by accident. She was a warden, an elven woman, a long, long time ago. She was accompanied by a man that carried the same sword that you now point at me. The very same blade”

His heart raced.

“You mean… Maric! That woman must have been Fiona” he said, although he was telling it to himself more than conversing.

Loghain remembered that, decades ago, wardens had come to Ferelden, to investigate a lead they wouldn’t explain or disclose. King Maric, against Loghain’s counsel, had insisted on accompanying them. Out of the group that had ventured into the Deep Roads, only Duncan, Maric and Fiona had come back alive. After that, and after a timely rescue by Loghain himself from some treacherous Orlesians – because Orlesians were always involved, of course - , Maric reinstated the Grey Wardens and allowed them back into Ferelden for the first time in centuries. He did so without giving him or anyone any explanation as to his reasons, and he never revealed what had transpired underground. About Fiona, Loghain knew only that she had left the wardens and returned to the Circle, under mysterious circumstances. Now, everything made sense, including all the banter he had heard but chose to ignore when rescuing Maric and the wardens. 

“So, you accidentally removed that warden's taint?” he asked.

“Yes. We were fighting, and one of my strongest spells hit her”

“You’re saying… magic, of all things, is the cure?” Marcia asked, puzzled.

“Is it so hard to believe? I have read your Chant of Light. It blames magic itself for its creation. It is only fitting that’s also the one thing that can undo it”

“The Chant doesn’t blame magic. It blames the evil of men” she replied.

“That’s a matter for debate. What is not for debate is that it was my spell, I am certain. I felt it as it happened”

“So there’s been a way out, all along! And she didn’t do a thing about it!”

Loghain was furious. That elf, Fiona, had kept it quiet all her life. She was interrogated about her state, but she never gave a clue. She just left and kept on living her life, ignoring everything that had happened. How can someone have been so egoistical? How many wardens had gone on their calling after that? Everything could’ve been different if they just knew. They could have investigated; they could had prevented the atrocities committed to each other, the blood magic, the sacrifices, the murders, the chaos at Adamant, the very Breach in the sky! All of that was in fear of the calling. And it could’ve been prevented. If only they’ve had known…

“Do not let your anger possess you, warden. Tell me, even if the method was perfected, do you really think your order is ready for that? What would you do, once you knew that a cure is possible? What would be your purpose, I wonder? Wouldn’t that mean the end for you, in the long run? Would you think the world be safe without you, if another Blight came? There are still two dormant Old Gods, somewhere in the deepest shadows of this earth. Are you ready to imagine a world without grey wardens? Do you even dare to picture it?”

“I don’t have the answers to any of these questions; but we would have the chance to choose for ourselves. So much could have been prevented. All the shit that’s happened started because Wardens were manipulated through their taint, and all of them started to hear the Calling. I did too. It was excruciating, and it made them desperate, afraid, mad. They destroyed themselves, and they brought chaos and war to the world. If there had been a way to free them before they…”

“That reasoning is purely academic. We cannot change the past, as much as we all would like to do so. We can only look forward to what we can do in the present” the Architect said. His voice was strangely soothing. “What will happen now? Are you going to exert your vengeance on me?”

“I don’t know” Loghain confessed. “I don’t know what to think anymore; I don’t know what’s right”

“Good. This is not the time for absolutes. But one thing is clear. You came here searching for the cure for your taint. I can give it to you; replicate the process, if you wish. I perfected it on Utha, a brave grey warden that helped me for years”

Loghain remembered the dwarven woman. A silent sister, if he remembered right. She was one of the Wardens that went on the expedition with Maric, and never came back.

“What happened to her?”

“She returned to the Stone, but not because of the process”

Loghain glanced at Marcia.

“Don’t look at me, I’m just trying to keep up” she said.

“Perhaps you need some time to think about it. I’ll leave you to discuss your next step. Meanwhile, I will tend to my dear Velanna”

The Architect disappeared between the halls and spaces that the bookcases and shelves created. Once Loghain felt his presence far, he turned to Marcia. Her face was a poem. She was just trying to understand everything she had heard. Even Loghain was having a hard time understanding, even if he was more acquainted with all that.

“This is not the time or the place for a thorough explanation” he said. “I promise I will explain all I know, later. Now we need to decide what will happen next. I need you focused on that”

“Yes, of course”

“What do you think?”

“We cannot trust him. Even if he doesn’t know, he must be one of the magisters that brought the Blight. He corrupted his acolytes. He sacrificed countless innocent lives, and then assaulted the Heavens. Do we really trust that magic of his? The Chant states that no magic can undo the corruption: _With fire and lightning he strove to cleanse the spreading poison from the earth, to no avail_. _Magic could not undo what evil had done_ ”

“Don’t let the Chant of Light influence your decision in this moment”

“What then? It’s like he stepped out of the Canticle of Silence. This is too much, I need to hold on to something” she cried.

“Forget it. Think for yourself, Marcia. This is our chance. It might be our only chance to be free of the taint”

She took a deep breath.

“My faith tells me not to trust him. But I am curious, and I want to believe that what the Architect says is true, with all my heart”

“Yes, me too” he said.

“Right, let’s think for a moment that we go through the process alive. The most immediate consequence is that we cannot use the eluvian to go back to Oghren and Nathaniel, since the mirror is tainted. We’ll be stuck here, wherever this is, for a while. Even if we managed to return to Vigil’s Keep, they would’ve already assumed we are dead…”

And suddenly, something in Loghain snapped, and he gave words to an idea that had been lurking in his mind for a while.

“If we would return” he pointed out.

“Yes. Wait. Are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting?” she asked.

“It is a possibility” he replied. “If we cure ourselves, we could let them think we are dead"

"You are really saying that"

"Why not? We wouldn’t be doing something immoral. They can still reach this place, if they solve the astrarium. If the wardens really want answers, they will find them. It doesn’t have to be our responsibility. We have opened the path from them, left them all the clues they need…" he shook his head. He needed to go back to the matter at hand "Ah but all these considerations are not for now. Now we have to decide if we let him use his magic on us, or not. Once that is dealt with, we’ll see what happens”

“I don’t know, Loghain. Honestly. I’m just trying to wrap my head around all this shit”

“I have heard the Calling, Marcia. I would be willing to do anything to free myself of the certainty of hearing it again, for the next time it will be the _real_ Calling. It predates on you from within, from the darkest corners of your soul, it makes you lose yourself. It is the worst thing I’ve ever gone through and, believe me, I’ve gone through almost everything. If there is a chance to free me, to free _you,_ from that, we must try”

“What if we die?” she whispered, with a shiver. “I don’t want to die… but I guess I don’t want to lead this life until my time comes”

“I know. I feel the same. It is not a life. It is a penance”

“What about your unyielding sense of duty? Wouldn’t we be breaking the Warden’s oath?”

Loghain took her hands.

“I’ve been giving it a great deal of thought lately. I am tired, Marcia, very tired. I’ve come to realize that I don’t owe this world or anyone any more atonement; no more apologies. Maker knows I’ve been punished, and He knows of the amends I’ve made. No more. I will not subject myself to more misery and despair, mislead by a wrong sense of duty. Nor would I let you follow me or anyone else down that path. No more penance”

They emerged from the ruin, cleansed from the taint. They had left behind any piece of armor that would identify them as wardens; the silverite chest pieces, gauntlets, and other garments or the Order. He was clothed in a humble gambeson, leather trousers and boots. He kept Maric’s blade, of course. He would never give that up. Marcia was dressed with the long tunic she used to wear under the heavy armor, and leather boots. Fortune or the Maker wanted them to resurface somewhere near the city of Ansburg, in the central Free Marches. It was a rich and beautiful region, the heart of agricultural trade. Its meadows and farmhouses were serene, calm, and far, very far from where they came from. It was Marcia’s idea to put King Alistair’s gold – a sack of which she had been the custodian and therefore was still in her backpack – to good use there. They soon bought an isolated farmhouse that neared a forest. In another lifetime, Marcia would have dismissed the place as backwater and dull; but now she was content. Loghain and her retired to a simpler, private life, unburdened by their past. They were dead to the world, and they were free. And if he ever crossed paths with another farmer or trader that would mention his uncanny resemblance to the Traitor Teyrn, he would ask, with a smirk:

""Who the fuck is Loghain Mac Tir?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter, I know.  
> Anyway, if you made it here, thank you so much for reading. Really, you are a dear :3 
> 
> I'm thinking about uploading the second part of the series. Because I totally wrote a second part right after this one. More Loghain is better than no more Loghain. A second part, by the way, that's radically different from this one, let me tell you that much... I really let my imagination run wild for that one!


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